Lost All Sense of Love
by Yuuzami
Summary: Gazette fanfic. Reita x Uruha; abusive relationship. Aoi has to save the honey-blonde. Written in Uruha's POV. Full summary and details inside.
1. Reunion

**Full Summary:**

**Uruha enrolls in university right after high school and is reunited with his old and best friend Reita. He falls in love with him as does Reita. In the first week of December a new student, (Aoi), arrives and quickly befriends the honey-blonde. A week before Christmas, Reita and Uruha get into an arguement and their relationship soon becomes an abusive one. Uruha is trapped in it but unfortunately believes that Reita loves him and the abuse is his way of showing it. He loses the true meaning of love and it's up to Aoi to rescue and show him what true love is again. **

**Notes: Written in Uruha's POV. Pairings: Reita x Uruha, Aoi x Uruha**

* * *

I lost all sense of love the first time he hit me.

It was only a year or so ago when it happened too. I'd just been accepted into Tokyo's Gakugei University and moved onto the campus. I was taking the B course which was the department of junior high and high school teacher's training. I'd always thought it would be fun to be a teacher.

I'd unpacked all my things and lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. My insides were all over the place. I was happy and utterly excited for the following day. My schooling would begin and I'd be that much closer to achieving my goal.

My cell phone rang. I flipped it open.

"Hey," I said with a smile, "What's up?"

"How're you liking it?"

"It's great! I can't wait for tomorrow."

There was a sigh on the other end. "You think they'll accept me?"

"Of course Ruki," I answered knowing how upset he was being stuck at home, "You'd be an excellent student for course C."

"Special school's teacher training…" My friend had a dreamy tone. "It's going to be great."

"Wait until you get here." I sat up and looked out the window. "The building's huge. There's a lot of room for parking too."

He laughed. "Not like a have a car."

"Hey, think about it. Once you're here, you can get a job near campus. I'll even help you get some wheels. Sound good?"

"Oh please," he was being a smartass, "If I ask you for help you're going to end up paying for the whole damn thing."

I nodded even though he couldn't see. "You got it."

We were silent for a few minutes.

"Kai got accepted at Chiba University."

"Really?" I was actually surprised. "What the heck is he studying there for?"

"Law." He replied. "It's not that far… but he's unhappy that he won't be hanging with us."

"Sounds like Kai." I mused.

There was another pause. "Uruha?"

"Yeah?"

"What happens to our friendship if I'm not accepted?"

I was silent. Why would he ask such a question? Was he really that unsure of what was going to happen to the three of us now that we were in university?

"Ruki… listen…" I closed me eyes and exhaled slowly. "I know you're afraid, but we're never going to forget each other, okay? We've spent too much time together to lose our friendship. Stop worrying."

"Yeah. Sorry." He sighed again. "I don't know where that came from. I'm just kind of… I don't know. It's like our high school years are over and I'm afraid of what to expect."

"Then don't expect anything. Let life come to you."

"Thanks Uruha. You always know what to say," He cleared his throat as if swallowing tears, "I hope you like your school. I'll call you if I get accepted."

I was about to tell him not to use the word: 'if,' but he'd already hung up.

Gakugei University… my new home. I wondered if I'd run into anyone else I'd known from my childhood. Anything was possible. And I was right. The next day I was reunited with a good friend.

"Uruha?"

My name was called from behind me as I walked to class. I looked back over my shoulder and met the brown eyes of a bright blonde-haired student. My eyes flickered to the white noseband across his face and that's when I knew who it was.

"Reita?!" I cried.

I dropped my bag and ran a few feet to hug him. He seemed surprised by my affection but he returned the friendly embrace. We pulled apart a few seconds later.

"What are you doing here?!" My face was glowing with excitement. I hadn't seen him since elementary school.

"I'm taking course G; Art and Cultural studies."

"You? No! You're joking!"

He smiled and put his hands up in mock-defense. "I can not tell a lie."

My heart was pounding inside my chest. Oh I remembered him so well. We used to walk to school together early in the morning for soccer practice. We'd also walk home after soccer practice was done after school. We'd been the closest of friends, but my parents and I had moved away, the summer before we'd enter high school. It hadn't been easy to say good-bye. There were tears and we'd promised each other never to forget one another.

"You heading off to class?" He asked interrupting my thoughts.

I nodded, unable to stop smiling. "Yeah."

"I've got a spare this morning. Mind if I walk you?"

"That'd be great!!"

It would take all of fifteen minutes to get to my classroom. On the way there we chatted about the years that'd past before our reunion. I'd told him of all the nonsense Ruki, Kai and I had done and he told me about a friend of his named Miyavi. Apparently Miyavi was actually in the hospital right now because he'd been in a car accident.

"Is he okay?" I asked with concern. That was one thing about me that I couldn't control. I cared about everyone full-heartedly even if they were total strangers.

"Yeah. He'll be out in a few days. This school kicked him out; he got drunk and ended up… well… where he is now."

"They kicked him out? Why?"

"I'm not really sure if I should tell you… maybe once you get to know him better…"

"You think I'm going to be judgmental?" I pouted.

"God no. You're probably the least judgmental person on this planet. I'm just not sure if he'd want you to know."

We were silent for a few seconds.

"Who am I kidding?" He laughed. "He won't even know that you know! Damn… what's wrong with me?!"

I laughed too. He knew I was great at keeping things inside.

He pulled a hand through his spiky hair. "He was caught skipping class a whole bunch of times," he then started to count everything off on his fingers, "He was caught smoking on campus, he mouths-off to all his teachers, he's tagged the school before, he almost burnt the school down while smoking, he's been in a ton of fights, and he was caught making out with his girlfriend in the library."

I just stared at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah I know… he's a 'bad guy.' Trust me though… he's a true friend. I wouldn't give him up for the world." He paused and met my eyes. "Much like I wouldn't give you up either."

For some weird reason, my heart thudded an extra beat. His words held a deep meaning that I didn't really see at that point.

I stopped outside my classroom door. "What dorm are you staying in?"

"North side of the school."

"Really? Me too. Which hall?"

"Five."

"Crap… I'm in three."

"You have a room mate yet?"

"No. You?"

"Miyavi was mine, but he's gone so it's just me."

"Maybe we can bunk together then!" Ruki's face flashed in my head. "Uh, scratch that. Ruki's still trying to get accepted. I promised him I'd be his room mate."

He nodded thoughtfully. "It's cool." He glanced at his watch. "You should probably head in. The bell's going to ring any second now."

"Thanks." I hugged him briefly before turning and slipping into class.

I had no idea that my life was changing drastically.


	2. Gone

**Author's Note:**

**It was torture writing this chapter...**

* * *

Now I felt extremely uncomfortable.

I sat across the café table from Reita and his 'other' best friend, (as he put it), Miyavi. He had bright neon blue hair, a black and white striped t-shirt, a black vest, black skinny jeans, red socks, black converse shoes, black finger-less gloves, piercings all over the place, tattoos on his arms, bubblegum lipstick or lip-gloss of some kind and black painted nails. Plus his expression was hard to read in that get up.

Reita glanced between the two of us for a few seconds and then stopped on Miyavi. "This is him…"

"Yeah, I got that." He snapped.

I got the impression that he didn't really like me.

I swallowed uncomfortably and shifted a little. I wasn't really sure what to say. Maybe he thought I was intruding on their friendship? I didn't really intend to… but he could've seen me as a threat.

"Psssh. Uruha. What kind of name is that?" He slouched back in his chair. A couple high schools girls were sitting at the counter giving him wary looks. "What're you staring at?!" he practically shouted. I almost jumped out of my seat at the tone of his harshness.

Reita knew me better than my own parents so he picked up on my unease instantly. His eyes met mine and almost seemed to be commanding me to be silent. I held my peace.

"Miyavi you could at least try to be nice."

"I. Hate. His. Hair." He made a disgusted face that looked somewhat childish.

That was a bit of a sore spot with me. I loved my hair. Reita knew that too. His face suddenly turned from calm to furious.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I'd never seen him like that before. It scared me. "You're the one who hates judgmental people and you're already judging him!!! Do you know he was concerned about you while you were in the hospital?!! He hadn't even met you yet!! You could at least show him a little respect!!"

Miyavi looked bored with his outburst while I was shaking. He'd never lost it like that before. Or at least... not like that. And I'd seen him angry before.

"Whatever." Miyavi sighed. "It's not like it matters. We won't get along. Look at him-" He nodded at me. "-he's wealthy, probably has a girlfriend, well-mannered… ugh. He makes me sick to my stomach."

Reita pulled a hand through his hair as if trying to calm himself down. "You never change." He looked at me and smiled. That's how I knew his fury had passed.

I let out the breath I'd been holding in slowly. I couldn't take my eyes of Reita. My heart was pounding beneath my flesh and my mind was racing. Where'd that uncontrollable temper come from? I remembered back to when Reita had first told me what kind of trouble Miyavi had gotten into and found myself wondering if he'd had a bad tempt that'd rubbed off on my best friend.

I forced a smile. Miyavi just looked us both over, stood up and exited the café without another word.

"Well that went well." I stated sarcastically.

"Sorry you had to see that," he apologized after laughing at my comment, "He's just so immature. I haven't seen you in years so when I introduce you to another close friend of mine I expect him to be nice."

"It's fine. I'm okay." I lied. There was no way I'd be able to get Reita's flaring eyes out of my head; at least, not for the time being. "Can't we just talk about something else?"

He nodded. "So has your friend been accepted yet?"

"I haven't heard from him." That stopped me in my tracks. It was weird… I hadn't heard from him in four days. Was something up? "He hasn't called since I got accepted."

"You sound worried. It's not normal for him to leave you alone for a few days?"

"Not really. When we were filling out our applications, he told me he was going to call everyday… unless we got accepted at the same time."

He looked thoughtful. "I wouldn't worry too much about it Uruha. He's probably got some other stuff to deal with. I'm sure he'll call soon." He smiled at me warmly.

"Thanks."

For the next week we continued to spend time together. We went to a few movies, studied in each other's dorm rooms and sat on campus chatting. Miyavi didn't come around when we were together. Reita had told me the day after I'd met his blue-haired friend, that he was just unsure of how to approach me. They'd talked and Miyavi was really just shy. I wasn't really sure if I believed that but I just shrugged it off. If he wanted to hang with us, I wasn't going to stop him. I also didn't want to interfere in the friendship they had… whatever kind of friendship they did have.

"September's sure going by fast, huh?" He said one day while we were lying down on the grass field behind our school.

"Yeah." I agreed. "Ruki still hasn't called me."

He fell silent.

"Reita?"

"Maybe he got accepted somewhere else and can't figure out how to tell you." He finally said.

"No… that's not him at all."

"People change."

I wasn't convinced. "I think I should call him."

"No." Reita's tone was almost commanding. "Don't call him."

"Why?" I felt my insides knotting a little bit. What was the big deal?

"He should respect you enough to call you."

I didn't like his tone. I sat up and turned to face him. "And if I want to call him, that's a problem?!" I exclaimed.

His brown eyes looked into mine and I felt my frustration melt away. What was with me? Spending so much time with him was doing some really weird things to me.

"No. I just think he should call you."

I wasn't sure. I was wondered about my chibi, blonde friend. What if something seriously bad had happened? What if he needed me and I wasn't there? Or maybe Reita was right. Maybe he'd been accepted into another school and had made some new friends. Maybe he'd forgotten about me…

"Hey…Uruha…" Reita sat up and faced me. "Are you…crying?"

I blinked my tears away quickly. "No." I lied. "I think I… I just need to… be alone." I stood up, dusted myself off and headed back to my dorm room. I felt Reita's eyes burning into the back of my head the whole way there.

I slammed my bedroom door open and flopped back onto my bed. I didn't bother trying to stop my tears. Why was I even crying? Reita was back in my life again… wasn't that a good thing? But then… I'd lost two friends and gained one. That wasn't fair was it? I cried myself to the point of exhaustion and then ended up falling asleep…

"_Uruha, wait!!" Ruki ran down the hall towards me. He wrapped his arms around me and only then did I realize he was crying._

"_Ruki? What's wrong?"_

"_Kai… he just yelled at me. I don't even know what I did wrong! Why is he always mad at me Uruha?!"_

_Truth be told, I hadn't been spending much time with either of them for the past few days. "What did he say?"_

"_He hates me Uruha!!" Ruki cried, shaking in my arms. "You don't hate me, right?!! Please don't hate me!!"_

_Ruki's pain was killing me inside. He was so innocent and trusting; he didn't deserve to be treated this way._

"_I'll never hate you Ruki."_

_He looked up at me with his tear-filled, blue eyes. "Do you mean that?" He choked._

"_Yes." I wrapped my arms around him then and held him comfortingly. He needed my protection. Ever since we'd met he'd always depended on me to protect him. I was like an older brother for him. _

_He whispered something that I didn't catch._

"_What?" I asked softly. "I didn't hear you Ruki."_

"_It's nothing," he said pulling out of my embrace and rubbing his eyes, "I'll be fine now. Thanks Uruha…"_

_He walked away from me afterwards. There was something he was hiding from me. There had always been something he'd kept locked inside from the world. Kai and I were the only ones he trusted. He'd open up to us when he was ready. For now I had to talk to Kai. Just as I started to head down to his locker, he called my name from behind._

_I turned. He looked pissed. "Kai…? What happened?"_

"_Did he say anything to you?!" He shouted. "Did he tell you what he told me?!"_

"_Kai I don't know what you're talking about-"_

_Kai's face instantly softened. His head dropped. "Sorry Uruha."_

"_What did he say to you?"_

"_It was nothing." He walked past me and headed down the same direction Ruki had. I didn't understand what was happening. Why was Kai mad at Ruki? What had Ruki told him? Obviously it was something Kai didn't want me to know…_

My cell phone rang. I sat up and felt fresh tears on my cheeks. I couldn't believe I'd even been crying in my sleep!! I flipped open my cell.

"Hello?" I said wearily.

"Uruha?"

"Kai?!" I cried, immediately brightening up. "Hi! How are you?"

"Okay… you didn't sound so good. What's up?"

I bit my bottom lip. How could I tell him I had dreamt about something that'd happened two years ago? "I'm okay Kai… I was just dreaming."

"About?" He asked in his usual cute and curious way.

"You and Ruki."

"Ruki, huh? Have you heard from him?"

"No…" I didn't like his question. "Haven't you?"

"He called me yesterday and left a message. He's still trying to get into your university. They keep rejecting him."

I felt as if someone had just slapped me across the face. They weren't letting Ruki in. No doubt he was beating himself up for not being good enough.

"Did you call him back?"

"Yeah, but he didn't pick up. I thought maybe I'd drive out to his place and visit but he hasn't answered my calls or e-mails. It's kind of bugging me."

"I know the feeling," I said swallowing, "Kai… can I call you back?"

"Yeah, sure. See ya."

"Bye."

We hung up.

I needed to see Ruki. He wasn't happy. He always answered his calls and returned his e-mails. Especially when they were from us. I dialed his number. The dial tone rang for twenty minutes… and he still didn't pick up.

That was it. It was Friday, so I had the weekend off. I left my door room and rushed to the parking lot. I threw my car door open, jumped in and drove as fast as I could to Ruki's place.

It took me almost an hour to finally get there. I parked in the driveway and raced up the front lawn. I banged on the door as hard as I could.

"Ruki!!" I shouted. "Ruki!! Ruki, please open the door!! It's Uruha!!" I started to panic. There was a light on upstairs. He was definitely home. Why was he answering the door?

I tried the door handle and my heart sank when it turned. The door was unlocked. I swallowed, dreading what I'd find inside.

I steeped inside the front door. "Ruki!!!" I called out, shutting the door behind me. I walked down the hall and realized the light was coming from his bedroom. I'd been in his house so many times… his bedroom was always the place he felt the safest. I pushed open the door.

He was lying on his bed, eyes closed. From the light on his dresser I could see his face was stained with tears. I walked over to him.

"Ruki…" I sat down beside him on the bed. "…hey… it's me. Wake up silly."

Ruki didn't budge. That's when I noticed the little empty bottle of pills on the floor.

"RUKI!!!" I screamed. I checked his neck and wrist for a pulse and felt nothing. "NO!!" I laid him on his back and gave him mouth-to-mouth for a few minutes as well as CPR but he wouldn't move. His eyes wouldn't open. I buried my face in his shirt.

"Why Ruki??!!" I sobbed. "Why would you do this?!!"

Just then I heard the shifting of paper. I looked down at the floor and noticed a little piece of paper had fallen out of his hand. Reluctantly I picked it up, unfolded it and began to read:

To the one that finds me,

I had no other choice than to do this. I am alone in my life. My best friends have left me alone to die. I can't be away from them anymore. At least once I'm dead I can follow them everywhere. I've tried for so long to tell the one I love how I feel but I guess that can never happen now. I've taken too many pills and there's no way to go back. My best friends were like brothers and one made me feel loved. He was the reason I managed to survive. He was the one I loved. I hope that somehow, whoever you are, you manage to find out who that person is and tell them. I could never do it. And with that, I say good-bye.

Ruki

My vision blurred. That's why… everything made sense now. The dream I'd had earlier was like Ruki was sending me a message. He loved me. That was his secret. And he couldn't live without me. I'd been accepted into university and he was continuously rejected by the headmasters. If he couldn't be near me, then there was no reason for him to live.

"Ruki… you didn't have to…" I moved his blonde bangs from his face and gently stroked his face. "…you idiot! Why didn't you just say something?!" I brought his cold body, dead body right next to mine in a one-sided hug. His body was so limp. I laid him back down.

"Ruki…this is for you." I kissed him on the lips for a solid three minutes before breaking away. After that, I called an ambulance and they took Ruki's body away.


	3. Grief

"Uruha?" I heard Reita's voice at my dorm door. I couldn't move. My bed was too comfortable. Or maybe I was in too much shock to move. Who knows?

"Uruha I know you're in there. You can stop pretending anytime now."

What did he know? How would he feel if Miyavi had killed himself? How would he feel if he knew he was the main reason why he'd killed himself? What would he do if he found out that Miyavi had been in love with him? I rolled over and looked at my bedroom door. It seemed so far away… and the dorm door was down the hall… I was too drained to move.

"Uruha please open the door. I know what happened… just please… I want to help you."

Help me? Yeah right. There wasn't a hope in hell. Ruki was _dead_. Nothing was going to change that. Nothing.

I felt the tears stinging my eyes. I swallowed a sob.

"Uruha?! Are you even listening to me?!! Come on!! Open up the damn door!"

Now he was mad. That was just what I needed. Oh well, too bad for him. I could hardly manage to even roll over. There was no reason to try and force myself to let him in. If I waited long enough maybe he'd go away.

"Uruha you're really beginning to bug me!!! You've been shut up in your room for over a week now!!! The only time that you've apparently left is to attend classes!!! Why won't you let me comfort you?!!"

Let him comfort me? What a joke! He was then one who'd convinced me not to call him for the longest time!! No way was I going to let him in!!!

"Argh, fine! You just remember what I've helped you through in the past!!" I heard his footsteps storm off from my dorm door..

What had he helped me with in the past? We'd met in elementary school!! Kai and Ruki had been there for my hardest years!! What did he know?!! What did he know??!! Nothing. Nothing at all. There was no way he could understand how I was feeling right now. Not unless someone went out and shot Miyavi. Maybe then he'd get the picture.

I knew my lashing out at him really meant nothing. I wasn't mad at him. I wasn't mad at anyone. I was just upset. I felt like such a typical teenage girl, crying like that all the time. But what could I do? Once the tears came, there was no stopping them.

My cell phone rang.

I was almost tempted to ignore it. It could've been Reita but instead I rolled onto my back, and flipped it open.

"Hello?" I said sounding dead.

"Hey." It was Kai. He sounded just as lost as me. "How're you holding up?"

"I would rather be paralyzed then deal with this."

"Yeah. I can't stand it either." He let out a heavy sigh.

"You knew, didn't you?"

"What?"

"You knew Ruki loved me, didn't you?"

"Yeah." He answered. His voice was starting to crack. "You know…" I heard him sniffle. "The day he told me, I lost it on him. I completely lost it on him Uruha!!!" Then he cracked. He started sobbing into the phone and I could feel my own insides pulling everyway possible. "I told him I hated him!!! I told him I hated him because he was going to destroy the friendship we all had!!! I told him you'd-" His voice cut off.

I knew what he was going to say. He'd told Ruki that I would've rejected him; I would've gotten mad at him and never wanted to see his face again. I understood where he was coming from. I did. And now… in our sorrow, he was regretting everything. If I could've hugged him, I would've.

"Kai listen," I blinked and let the tears crawl down my face, "It's not your fault."

"You don't understand Uruha! I-"

"No Kai." I cut him off. "Don't blame yourself. I'm hurting just as much as you, but in order for this pain to end, we have to stop beating ourselves up."

He was quiet for a few minutes. I just listened to him cry, sniffle and try to pull himself back together. It hadn't been any easier at the funeral either. We'd both broken down at the mike when we'd gone up to say a little piece about Ruki.

"I bet he's with you right now." Kai said sounding a little more collected. "He said that's what he was going to do."

I looked around my room. "Yeah, well if he's here he knows he's done the wrong thing by killing himself."

"True."

"It'll be okay Kai."

"I know. Thanks."

"No problem."

"I guess I'll talk to you later then."

"Yeah. See ya."

"Bye."

The phone clicked in my ear. I hoped to God that Kai would be okay. Even though I wasn't handling Ruki's death well, Kai wasn't that good at controlling his emotions either. I closed my eyes and started thinking about pleasant memories I'd made with my two best friends. For once in the whole week, the memories didn't bring me to tears.

**1 month later…**

I still hadn't seen Reita. Even though a month had already passed, and the beginning of November was drawing near, I hadn't been able to let go of Ruki's death. There where times when I'd be walking to my next class and I'd see the chibi blonde sitting on the grass. I knew it was only my imagination, but sometimes it helped to just see him.

I knew Reita had given up trying to drag me out of my room. But I never imagined he'd send Miyavi in to get me out…

"Hello?!! Uruha?!!" Miyavi sounded really annoyed as he continuously banged on my dorm door. I sat on the sofa, facing the front door with my textbook in my lap, and just stared at the door. "Open up would ya?! Reita's driving me nuts!! He hasn't stopped bugging me about you for what seems like forever!! I'm sorry I dissed your hair!! Now will you open up?!!"

From what I'd overheard from my fellow classmates, Miyavi never apologized. This was a big thing for him. Reita must be a great friend for him to do this.

"I brought jellybeans!!" He suddenly said. "They always made me feel better!!"

A small, true smile appeared on my face then. Miyavi wasn't as cold-hearted as he appeared. I placed my textbook down beside me and then walked over to the door. I unlocked the door and opened it.

Miyavi had bags under his eyes and he seemed really out of it. He smiled a genuine smile and held up a plastic bag of multi-colored jellybeans.

"Here." He shoved them into my hands. "Eat them. You'll feel better."

"Thanks." I looked at him. His hair color had changed. He'd dyed it black.

He scratched the back of his head. "Uh… Reita's pretty worried about you. Would you please call him or something? He hasn't let me sleep for four days-" And right on cue, he yawned.

I nodded. "I will. Sorry."

He shrugged. "Whatever. I know how it feels to lose someone like that."

This intrigued me. I was about to ask about it but he gave me one last little wave before he started heading down the hall. I stared after him for a few moments before heading back inside with the jellybeans.

I sat back down on the sofa and opened up the bag of candy. I popped a few into my mouth.

"You want some Ruki?" I said before even realizing it.

I froze. Okay… I had problems. I'd just asked _Ruki _if he wanted candy. I was so not over his passing yet. Before I could start crying again, I whipped out my cell phone and dialed Reita's number.

"Uruha?!" The answer was instantaneous.

"Yeah. It's me."

"Are you okay?! I haven't seen you in forever!! I mean why were you-"

He continued like that for a solid ten minutes and I just let him go on. I swallowed a few more jellybeans by the time he'd finally finished.

"-so?!"

"I'm surviving." I admitted. "I'm still not completely… over it."

Reita sighed. "You know, you were always like this."

Again, I didn't like him tone. "_What_?"

"You held onto things way too much in school." I could just picture him rolling his eyes. "Come on Uruha… we're not kids anymore."

I he'd been in front of me, I would've slapped him.

"I beg your pardon?!!" I shouted into the phone. "You think this is how you comfort someone?!! What's your problem Reita?!!"

There was a pause on the other end and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears.

"Sorry. That was uncalled for… I just haven't slept for days. I've been really worried about you."

Suddenly, it was like all my anger and sadness melted away. Why did that always happen? Was I really losing it? Every time something like this came up, Reita would say something to dismiss it all and I wouldn't be angry anymore. Why? I didn't understand it.

"It's okay." I exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Yeah well, I'm going to kick your ass next time I see you." He playfully threatened. "I mean for god's sake Uruha! I had to send Miyavi over to check on you! Obviously _that_ worked or you wouldn't be talking to me."

I laughed. "He brought me jellybeans Reita."

It was his turn to laugh. "Are you serious?! That's hilarious!"

I could feel myself smiling again. It was a good feeling. Maybe I should've let him comfort me a while ago. But then again… I was still upset with him for convincing me to avoid talking to Ruki. Suddenly I felt my eyes stinging with tears again. I was on the phone with someone, who in a way had murdered Ruki. I shouldn't be laughing with them.

"Uruha…?" His voice became cautious. "You okay? You just went quite all of a sudden."

"I fine." I lied, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Really. It's nothing."

"Okay…" He still seemed worried. "Hey, Miyavi and I are going to a movie tonight, you want to come?"

"Yes. I'd love to." Yet again, I'd just said something I hadn't actually thought through. I wasn't in any mood to go out. Why did I always feel like Reita would save me from my inner hell?

"Great. I'll come by your dorm around eight."

"Cool."

I hung up without saying good-bye and let my phone fall from my hands. I buried my face in my hands. What was happening to me? Ruki was dead so I was obviously depressed and then Reita was the only one I wanted to be around. What about Kai? Was he dealing with the same conflicting emotions? Did he find he wanted to be around only one person? Did he feel like a part of him had also died with Ruki? Did he? The last time I'd talked to him was about a month ago. Maybe I needed to see him too.

Eight came faster than I expected. I was lying on my bed, holding Ruki's suicide note in my hand tightly when I heard a knock on the door. I glanced at the clock. It was eight. I groaned. I'd spent most of the day studying and grieving. But then again, I did that practically everyday.

"Uruha we're here!" Reita called. "You ready?!"

I was tempted to say I wasn't going, but something inside me made me get up, put Ruki's suicide note on my pillow, fix up my hair in front of the mirror and walk to my door. I opened it and suddenly I felt my face twist into a smile. Reita smiled back and Miyavi just rolled his eyes as if he knew something I didn't.

"Let's go." I said, actually sounding excited.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Alright, so the plot is getting somewhere now! I'm sorry that I killed off Ruki. I had originally intended for that to happen later, but then I thought of something else... doesn't Uruha seem more vulnerable when he grieves over Ruki? Bingo. And just as a heads up, Aoi will either be showing up in the next chapter or the following chapter. _Maybe_ chapter 6 depending on what happens in the next two.**


	4. Happiness

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's definately my favorite so far.**

* * *

The movie was pathetic.

All three of us had walked out half-way through it. Miyavi whined about the advertisements looking too cool and drawing him in. Reita shoved him and said he was too gullible. I was starting to actually like Miyavi. He was a lot nicer once you got to know him.

"What a waste of money!" Miyavi shouted as we walked out of the theatre. "I should go and demand my money back!" He lit up a cigarette and started smoking. I must've looked pretty disgusted when he did that because Reita asked him not to smoke with me there.

On the way back, Miyavi had stopped to check out one of the many electronics stores. He ducked inside before Reita could stop him. He rolled his eyes.

"Meevs is such a kid." He smiled.

I mirrored back the same face. That's when I realized my insides felt kind of funny. Was I feeling sick or something? No… that couldn't be it. Then what was wrong?

Reita raised an eyebrow. "Hey Uruha, you okay? You seem out of it."

"Fine." I replied, snapping out of my thoughts. "Just a little tired."

"Yeah I bet." He suddenly went quiet. "Ruki's still kind of… dragging you down, huh?"

I did my best not to cringe at my friend's name. "No." I lied. I was so bad at lying. Sometimes I just wished someone was there to lie for me.

As if he could see right through me, Reita said, "You are _the_ worst liar on the planet." His voice was playful. I smiled.

Once Miyavi'd had his share of electronics, we walked back to the university. Miyavi waved good-bye and left us. Considering he didn't go to this university anymore, it wasn't that big of a surprise. But with him gone, that funny feeling returned.

Reita sighed. "What's wrong now?"

Was it really that obvious?

"Nothing. I'm just… I don't know." I admitted. "I feel… odd."

"Really now?" Again, he was teasing me. "I wouldn't have guessed."

"Shut up." I shoved him gently.

We continued to laugh and chat all the way back to my dorm. Being as clumsy and tired as I was, I dropped my keys when I tried to unlock the door. I bent down to get them, as did Reita, and our hands touched briefly. Suddenly, I was shot through again with those strange feelings. Reita looked at me and I met his gaze. He smiled awkwardly and stood up. I grabbed my keys before doing the same.

He cleared his throat as if he thought that would erase the awkwardness of that moment. "I guess I'll see you later then?"

"No. Would you like to come in?" The words came out of my mouth so fast; I hardly had the chance to process them until afterwards. I covered my mouth and felt my cheeks burning. "Sorry."

Again, I fumbled with my keys, but this time I managed to actually get them in the door. As I wrapped my hand around the door handle, Reita's hand touched my shoulder gently.

"Do you _mind_ if I come in?"

I was frozen. Every part of me was in absolute shock. I didn't understand why. It shouldn't have been. Reita was my friend. Why were those feelings rushing through me so fast? What _were_ those feelings?

"Yeah, sure. Come in." I twisted the handle, pushed on the door and he followed in after me.

I slipped my shoes off quickly and sat down on the sofa. Reita slipped his shoes off and then turned to look at me with his deep brown eyes. Why did I feel like I could do anything as long as those eyes were watching me?

Slowly, he made his way over and sat down beside me. We were quiet for a while before he said anything.

"So this is your dorm huh? It's pretty nice."

"Yeah. Great." My heart was pounding. Why, for the love of god, I didn't know.

Our eyes met and my heart seemed to be flying.

"You're blushing Uruha." A small smile appeared on his face.

I brought a hand to my cheek and he was right. They were so warm. What the hell was wrong with me??!!! As if that wasn't enough to confuse me, Reita then did something that completely threw me off guard.

He kissed me.

At first it was soft and gentle. I didn't know how to react, but my body did. My arms wrapped around his neck and my fingers curled in his blonde hair. I pulled him on top of me, until we were both lying on the couch. He pushed his tongue inside my mouth and I let out a small groan. Was this actually happening? I wasn't gay, was I?

As he continued to kiss me, my thoughts started rushing around. Maybe I was after all. I think a part of me had always loved Ruki, but had never seen it for what it was until now. But he was dead. There was no way I could change things. Reita, however, was alive and right on top of me. And I was enjoying every second of this.

Our lips parted for a fraction of a second.

"Do you know," he panted slightly, "How long I've waited for you?"

Before I could even answer, he was kissing me again. I was completely lost in the passion between us. He had been in love with me from the start, How had I not seen it? Was that why he had deterred me from calling Ruki? Had he been _jealous_? It wasn't impossible.

I don't even remember how it happened, but he had taken my black vest and white shirt off along with his own. His body was stunning. He had definitely been working out.

"Like what you see?" He whispered to me before sucking on my neck.

The only response I could give was a moan. That seemed to excite him. He sucked on my neck harder, and I clung to him like a desperate child. His right hand went up into my hair and he kissed me again. My hands traced along his muscular chest and then wound themselves around his waist. He shifted position a little and then…

… we fell off the couch.

We lay with our backs to the carpet, staring at each other with surprised eyes. We burst out laughing. He was so embarrassed. I was too. How had something that intense suddenly become so awkward?

"Sorry Uruha," he said forcing himself into a sitting position, "I hadn't counted on that."

I just laughed into one of my hands. I couldn't keep my eyes off him though. I tried to force them to look around the room, but they disobeyed me. After that, there was no way I could look away. He hadn't put his shirt back on either. That wasn't helping.

I couldn't stop laughing. He was smiling too. It had been a while since I'd truly laughed like this. It seemed to please him.

"I'm sorry-" I said smiling wide. "I-I just c-can't stop-laughing!"

He nodded, mirroring back the same face. "You are fucking adorable."

I flushed and looked at him through my hands. "You did _not_ just say that."

"I did."

I let out a heavy and happy sigh. "Wow."

"What?"

"I had no idea I was gay."

It was his turn to laugh. "Surprised?"

"A little."

"Well… at least it was me who made you see it." He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "I would've killed any other guy that had shown you the truth."

"It explains a lot though." I sat up and stretched my arms out. "At least now I know why being around you makes my insides go funny."

His cheeks reddened. "Really? Hn… who would've thought?"

"Oh shut up!" I picked up on his sarcasm right away. "Stop pretending you know everything!"

"But I _do_ know everything. At least where you're concerned."

I moved some of his bangs from his face. "What's the supposed to mean?" I teased back.

"Well for instance, I know you wish that we hadn't fallen of the couch."

My mouth fell open. "Oh… you suck!" I shoved him a little.

"I don't blame you." He leaned his face in closer to mine. "I turn on a lot of people." He paused and laughed a little. "Mostly women… but that's not my point."

I smiled. "You do know it's getting late, right?"

He shook his head and kissed my nose. "You really want me to go?"

"Nah, I was hoping you'd stay."

"Great."

He stood up, lifted my up into his arms and carried me into my bedroom. He laid me gently on the bed before crushing his lips down on mine. Just as before, I pulled him down on top of me. This time however, we both ended up shredding the rest of our clothes until we were completely exposed. We were sweating in seconds and I just couldn't help but be caught up in the passion we had for each other. Had it always been this way? Had I always loved him like this? Is that why it was so easy to except that I was gay?

He sucked my neck; he seemed to like the reaction I gave to that. I held onto him as if my life depended on it. I could've sworn my black nails were even digging into him. Perhaps he didn't mind that.

Minutes seemed to fly by and very soon he was in me. I screamed his name to the heavens. With each thrust, I was sent through with an indescribable sensation. He whispered my name gently, panting and kissing me anywhere he could. I just couldn't let go. This feeling that was spreading through me was insane. I'd never experienced anything like this before. Never.

His member in me, my hands on him, we were trapped in the flames of passion and lust. Our endurance surprised me. I never thought we'd be able to do this for so long. But when I finally came, it was all over. The climax had passed and he fell beside me, completely exhausted.

We stared into each other's eyes, gasping for air. A small smile appeared on his face.

"Uruha…" He whispered. I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "I love you."

My heart sped back up again. Tears filled my eyes. He stroked the side of my face. I nuzzled right up against his warm chest, breathing in his masculine scent.

"I love you too Reita." I whispered as my eyelids shut. We both fell to sleep shortly after.

The next morning was interesting. I woke up before him. I sat up, stretched and then looked down at him. It was so hard to believe that this angel lying beside me was now _my_ boyfriend. I stroked some of his hair and smiled to myself. I turned and saw Ruki's suicide note on my bedside table. I sighed. Maybe Ruki had something to do with this. Maybe he had arranged this.

"Thank you." I whispered to the dim room before me.

I got up and dressed. I pulled a black sleeveless shirt over my head, black dress pants, and silk black sleeves on. I fixed my hair up in front of my bathroom mirror and washed my face. I looked up to see my reflection smiling back at me. I was happy. And so I should be.

As I turned the bathroom lights off, I heard a groan from my bedroom. Reita was awake. I walked into the room, with a little skip in my step, and sat down beside him. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at me.

"Damn…" He whispered, reaching a hand up to touch my cheek, "You are so beautiful."

I felt my cheeks burning again. He flashed me a brief glimpse of his pearly white teeth.

"I love it when you do that."

I smiled. "You know… we do have school in an hour."

He glanced at the clock. "Are you serious?" He groaned.

"Yeah."

He got dressed quickly. We ate breakfast together as he walked me to my first class. A few of Reita's classmates said hi as we passed them. Did they see how happy we were together? I doubted it.

We parted at my class. He kissed me quickly on the forehead and then disappeared from my vision. My cheeks were burning yet again and my heart was in serious overdrive. I took my seat by the window and pulled out my books.

If I had only known then that happiness only lasted so long.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Review please!!! Tell me what you think!!! Oh and I'm pretty sure Aoi is going to show up in the next chapter. I'm anxious to have him introduced.**


	5. Aoi

He was sitting over there.

I sat outside, at one of the picnic-like tables set up for students to study or eat their lunch at. I took a sip of water and then replaced the cap onto the bottle. I was quite aware of the person sitting thirty feet away at another table, staring at me. I felt too awkward to look at the person directly. So I took to looking at them through my honey-blonde bangs whenever I pretended to be studying or 'dropped' something on the ground.

It was a male. He looked to be a year or two older than me, with slightly spiked, obsidian black hair, and incredibly pale skin. He wore dark clothing too but that seemed to fit him well. He was sipping some water himself and wore a very intense expression. An expression… that was causing my insides to go funny.

It was the first week of December. Funny how time flies, isn't it? I couldn't believe it. Reita and I were inseparable. He hardly ever went back to his dorm room anymore. He was always with me. Besides of course, when he had studies and I didn't. This, was one of those times.

I flipped through a textbook, trying to get my mind to focus on something. Anything would've been just fine. I didn't want the stranger to notice I'd noticed him. But why? What was my problem? Why did I have those weird feelings welling up inside me again? That only happened when Reita was around. Did that mean I…? I shook my head, banishing the thought.

And then suddenly, he was there.

He sat down right beside me; a small, innocent smile on his gorgeous face. I had to admit, he was incredibly striking. Much more so than Reita could ever dream to be. And that says something. He placed his black backpack down on the other side of him and then turned back to me.

"Hi."

I stared at him with wide-eyes. I don't know why… I just did. I must've looked like I was staring at a ghost. Not exactly a good first impression. I swallowed and remained silent. Or maybe, I wasn't in control of my silence. Perhaps I was scared.

He laughed softly. A laugh that I instantly longed to hear again. "Sorry to bother you. I'm new here," he was very out-going and seemed like an easy person to talk to, "I was just wondering… if maybe you could show me around?"

He'd asked in the politest, (and cutest… even though I didn't admit that to myself at the time), way. There was no way I could refuse. I shakily took my textbooks in my arms and nodded at him. His smile widened.

"Great."

We walked across the grass field. My legs felt like jelly. I could barely walk straight. He must've thought I was drunk. I did my best to avoid his eyes, even though I could feel them on me every second. I pleaded with the heavens that he'd just go away. I still hadn't managed to say anything to him. I felt like a complete idiot.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a laugh.

I felt a little pang in my heart. I stopped and turned around to face him. I was a few steps ahead of him, almost as if we weren't actually walking together. What was wrong with me? Then I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I met his eyes.

It felt as if the ground had been pulled out from underneath me. All the noise from around me was silenced and I could hear my heart beating as if I were holding it right against my ear. I swallowed, but my throat felt dry. His eyes were the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. They were a deep, dark brown and seemed filled with something I couldn't put my finger on. I suddenly felt the need to be drowned in those spectacular eyes.

He smiled awkwardly. I had officially freaked him out. "Look, if you want me to just go-"

"No!" The word burst from me before I could even think.

He didn't even flinch. His eyes looked me over briefly and then he scratched his head. What was the expression on his face? Disgust? Regret? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. He was _nervous_.

"I mean," I pretended to smooth out some of my hair, "It's okay. You don't have to go."

He smiled, almost awkwardly, and then took a few steps closer to me. "You know… you never even asked me my name." His eyes danced with sparkles. My insides were going nuts.

"Okay then…" I forced a laugh, which came out quite convincingly, to try and ease things. "What's your name?"

"Aoi." He bowed his head a little and smiled. "And you would be?"

For a few split seconds I couldn't even remember my name. "Uruha." It almost came out too fast. I'd hoped he heard me.

"Uruha?" His eyes went to the bright blue sky thoughtfully. "It's very unique." He blinked, and our eyes re-connected.

"Thanks." I realized I'd been twirling my fingers through my honey-blonde hair absent-mindedly, so I stopped. My face was starting to burn. I had to figure out a way to get out of this. I didn't want him getting the wrong impression. After all, I may have been attracted to him, but Reita was my boyfriend.

"So you're new here?" I turned and started walking again. He followed right beside me.

"Yes." He nodded. "You?"

"I've been going here since the year started."

"Is it nice enough here?"

"I think so. I actually met up with an old childhood friend here." My tongue just seemed to be rolling out the information. What was wrong with me?

"Really? That must've been exciting."

"Yeah." I laughed. "We're inseparable." I had to end that conversation. Fast. If I didn't drop it, I was bound to tell him I was dating Reita. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but I had just met him and everything seemed to be spilling out of me. "This is the library…" I pointed as we passed, completely rescuing myself from the danger.

I had given him an entire tour of the school in roughly an hour. I'd never expected him to ask so many questions about the place. He wanted to know all about the students, the architecture, everything. I was impressed; to say the least, and found I'd relaxed quite a bit during that hour. I no longer felt the need to run the other way. I was very comfortable around him.

We had sat down in one of the corner tables of a café just a few blocks from the school. We chatted for another half hour. He told me he'd come from Mie and it was a great place. I heard all about his family, his likes and dislikes… it was like I was back in high school where bonding with people happened so easily. He made me laugh until my stomach hurt with his stories, and the other café customers kept glancing over at us. I think they were just concerned about me. But I was okay. Just having too much fun.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and realized I had a class in ten minutes. My mind mulled it over for a few seconds and then I concluded I didn't want this to end. So what if I missed one class? It's not like anyone was going to kill me if I did. I was one of the top students in the school currently. I could get away with missing one class.

He took a sip of his coffee and traced one of his pale fingers around the rim of the cup. A small, (flirtatious?), smile was plastered on his face. I ran a hand through my hair. I looked around the café. Not too many people were hanging around anymore. That made sense. A lot of the customers who had been in the café before were students from the university. I'd seen a few of them around school even though I didn't know them personally.

"You haven't told me all that much about yourself you know." I couldn't help but notice how his obsidian bangs framed his face perfectly. "I've been doing all the talking. Feel like sharing?"

I rested my chin on one of my hands that was propped up on the table. I stirred what was left of my tea with a stir stick, contemplating what to tell him, what not to, and whether or not I should say anything at all. I watched the tea turning in my Styrofoam cup as his eyes remained locked on my face. I felt like he already new everything about me. With piercing eyes like his, it was hard not to. His eyes bore down into my very soul. I was almost surprised he'd asked me to open up.

"I'm not that interesting," I finally said meeting his gorgeous eyes again, "I'd bore you."

He laughed softly. "Somehow I doubt that."

Everything he said seemed to drag me in. I didn't want him to stop talking and it felt like my head was going to explode. My insides must've been partying I felt so high. Had I ever felt like this with Reita?

"I should probably get to class…" I stood up and took my books in hand, throwing my cup in a nearby trash can. What was I doing? I didn't honestly want to leave yet there I was, practically running for the door. I couldn't understand what was going on with me.

"You're leaving?" The disappointment was easily seen on his angelic face.

I glanced out the café window. I was looking for someone… but I didn't even know who. Suddenly I felt very trapped and claustrophobic. All the glee inside me had been drained and replaced with panic. But why? What was going on? Something just didn't feel right. I had to leave, despite how much I wanted to stay.

"I'm sorry." I bowed my head slightly and then briskly walked out the café door. As I pushed my way out the door, I could feel Aoi's eyes burning into the back of my head and all his disappointment washing over me.

When I reached my class, I could hardly focus on anything. I was lucky that I'd answered my professor correctly, because I was pretty sure he thought I wasn't paying attention. My head was a mess. Both Reita and Aoi's faces wouldn't leave me and their voices echoed against the walls of my head. What had made me walk out on Aoi like that? I was a nice person. I didn't do things like that. Where had that panic come from? What had caused it?

After class, I almost crashed right into Reita. I looked up at him, feeling like I was in a dream and blinked.

"Hey Uruha." His smile slowly faded. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah." I lied, pulling a hand through my hair. "I'm fine."

"If you say so."

As we were heading back to my dorm, Reita turned to me with a puzzled expression on his face. "Were you almost late for your class?"

His question caught me off guard. "What?"

"Were you, or weren't you?"

"Yeah I was." I answered, confused.

"Hm." He said nothing after that. His eyes went everywhere else but to me. I suddenly felt incredibly small. Why had he asked that?

We entered the dorm together. He laid his textbooks down on the dining table and then flopped down on the leather sofa. I hung my keys up on a little hook by the door and slipped out of my shoes. I moved them next to Reita's with my foot, and then turned around. He was looking at me with an expression that was hard for me to interpret. I slowly walked over and sat down next to him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, resting my head on his shoulder. I looked into his eyes when he turned his head to look at me.

"Nothing." A small smile appeared on his face. "Just had a long day, that's all." He kissed my forehead and I felt my cheeks go hot. "I love that you still blush when I kiss you."

I beamed and poked his forehead. "I love you." I spoke with a seductive tone. Teasing him was always so much fun.

"You'd better." Before I could even blink, he kissed me. His hands caressed my neck and I kissed him back. My hands found their way to the buttons on his shirt. Just as my fingers began to undo his top, there was a knock at the door.

We pulled apart. Reita re-buttoned up the few buttons I'd undone and I fixed my hair up quickly. Reita went to the door and opened it. There was a pause.

"Can I help you?"

"Hi. I'm looking for Uruha…?" Came a gentle voice from the doorway.

My head whipped to the door. I jumped to my feet and met Reita at the door.

"Hi." I smiled Aoi.

He bowed his head quickly and then met my eyes. "Hi."

Reita glanced from my face to Aoi's and then left me alone at the door with him. I heard him sit down on the sofa and felt his eyes burning into the back of my head.

"Are you busy?" Aoi asked with his charming tone.

"I-" I almost said I wasn't. That probably wouldn't have gone over too well with Reita. We had been just about to start something… "-yeah. A little." Then something popped into my head. "Hey, how'd you know which dorm I was in?"

He held up a small piece of paper with my name and dorm location on it. "I asked around. One of the professors said I could find you here." He grinned proudly. "I just thought maybe you'd want to go for another tea or something, but I guess if you're busy…"

"Could we try for tomorrow?" I felt my heart trying to break free from my chest. It was like it wanted Aoi to take hold of it. Again, I felt very unsure of what was going on with me.

"Sure." He winked at me and smiled before walking down the hall. I stuck my head out of my dorm and watched him. Halfway down the hall, he turned around and started walking backwards. I looked at him curiously. He smiled again and then playfully blew a little kiss in my direction. He disappeared around the corner a few seconds later.

I stood in the doorway and stared down the empty hall. I was frozen, trying to decide if that blown kiss had been in fun or if he'd actually meant something by it. I stepped back in, shut and locked the door then turned to faced Reita.

His eyes were slightly narrowed, almost accusingly. I ignored the uncomfortable feeling I got while he was looking at me that way and walked back over. Once I was seated beside him, it didn't take long for him to start kissing me again. This time though, his kisses felt much fiercer. Almost like he was trying to prove a point. But what point could he possibly have to make?

As my fingers intertwined in his hair, his hot breath washed over me and I felt a little different. Reita's kisses were much deeper and longer but something inside me seemed to be saying something. Something like, 'you don't want this anymore.' But I ignored it and Reita and I became connected once again.

He collapsed beside me on the carpeted floor, completely exhausted. I knew him well enough. He always fell asleep after that. I helped him to the bedroom and he lied down, pulling me with him. He fell asleep, his right hand gently massaging the back of my head. I lay with him, under the covers, with my back against his warm chest. Why didn't I feel the same way I normally did after he and I were together that way? Before Aoi had knocked he and I had been perfectly…

That was it. Aoi.

The raven-haired man had changed things. I knew where my heart was going with this, but I refused to see reason. I'd left myself locked in confusion instead of realizing what had happened. And just what had happened?

I gripped the bed sheets in my hands tightly, as if afraid of my own thoughts. My heart was a mess. That much was apparent. Suddenly, so many thoughts began rushing through my head. Immediately I received a headache. I bit my bottom lip and slowed my thoughts before listening to each and every one of them.

I'd experienced the same kinds of feelings with Aoi as I had with Reita, but they been that much more… so much more. I was attracted to him. Was he attracted to me? He obviously thought I was good company. Or was that just because he was new at the university and needed someone to latch onto? That made sense, right? No… his eyes… they sparkled with something more than that. So did that mean he'd blown me a kiss all in fun or because he really felt something for me? But we had just met. Love at first sight? I did believe in that. Could it be that the angel I'd met today had made me fall in love with him already? Was that why I felt so different with Reita?

Reita… the more I thought about how we'd come to be a couple, the more disgusted I became. As friends, sure… that made sense. We'd known each other in elementary school. Meeting up at the university was a great stroke of luck. But the way he'd gone about everything… He'd convinced me not to call Ruki. And then Ruki had…

And in my greatest time of vulnerability, Reita had taken advantage of me. Was that really how it'd gone down? I rolled over half-way and stared at his beautiful, sleeping face. Suddenly, I didn't think it was so beautiful anymore. I'd been grieving over the death of someone and Reita had just decided it was the right time to make his move? Why hadn't he done so earlier? Why hadn't he said he loved me before I'd slipped into my depression? Everything in me told me to get away from him. The biggest question hung in my head and I didn't even know how to answer it because of how Reita had gone about everything.

Did I really even love him?

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**And the plot thickens...**

**I know it's been forever since I've updated this fanfic, but I _had_ to get this chapter just right. I know I said the last chapter was my fave, but this one takes the cake now. (For now anyway.)**


	6. Passion

**Author's Note:**

**This chapter is dedicated to a very special, very dear person that was lost to me on the 21st of January. I will miss and love him forever. **

**Rest in Peace Jerri...**

* * *

I was very cold to Reita the following morning.

He'd been trying to get me to talk to him, since he could sense something was wrong. I hadn't even looked at him. No… I was furious. My thoughts from the day before hadn't left me. Every time I heard his voice I felt like screaming. He was disgusting.

"Could you at least tell me what I did wrong?" He asked, anxiety lining his voice. He gently touched my shoulder and I whirled around, finally meeting his confused eyes.

"Don't. Touch. Me." I was just as cold when I spoke.

"Uruha, what did I do?" He sounded genuinely sad but how could I ever feel sympathy for him now?

"Everything!!" I snapped. It felt like my insides were on fire. "You… you… everything has been a lie!!!"

Even though I was angry beyond belief, I felt my heart breaking. My feelings for Reita had been so strong. But I'd seen what had really gone on between us and I was so hurt. I quickly blinked away tears I slowly felt building and glared at him.

"What are you talking about?!!" Reita was in shock. His face said it all. "Uruha I don't understand!!"

He tried to pull me closer to him, but I pushed his hands away quickly. "I told you not to touch me!!!" My shouts were getting louder. My emotions seemed to be getting the better of me.

"Tell me what's going on then, because I'm lost!!" His tone had changed. The pleading and confusion was gone. Now he was getting angry. "I can't try and fix things if I don't know what's going on!!"

"You're a filthy, disgusting, manipulative monster!!!" I shouted, my hands becoming fists at my side. "All this time I thought you actually gave a damn and I was wrong!!! How could you have gone through with this and thought I wouldn't notice?!! You never cared about me Reita!!! This has all been some sick twisted game to you!!"

"How can you say that Uruha?!!" His anger was now mixed with sadness. We both sounded just as agonized. "After all I've done for you?!! Or maybe you've forgotten that you'd locked yourself in this dorm?!! I was the only one that gave a damn!!! I was the only one who tried to get you to come out!! I was the only one who tried to make you happy!! How dare you say I don't care!!!"

His words hit me hard. I bit back tears, forcing myself to see through what he was saying. But wasn't some of it true? He'd brought me out of my depression… but he'd gone about it the wrong way. "You took advantage of me Reita!!! How does that classify as caring about me?!!"

"Is that what you think has gone on?!!" He pulled a hand through his hair and laughed sarcastically. "I don't believe this!!! Is it not true that you reciprocated Uruha?!! If you really didn't feel the same way, couldn't you have pushed me away?!!"

"I couldn't think straight!! My mind was a mess!!!"

"And who do you think fixed that?!! You?!! No, I believe it was me!! If I understand things correctly, your best friend Kai didn't even come to help you out did he?!!"

The mention of the brunette made everything I was feeling a hundred times worse. "You leave him out of this!!!"

"Why?!! It's true, isn't it?!! He lost someone too and he never bothered to get his ass out here to make sure you were okay, did he?!! No he didn't!! And you want to know why?!! Because he doesn't love you Uruha!!! I love you!!! Do you hear me?!!" Before I could even push him away, he grabbed my shoulders roughly and shook me a few times. "I LOVE YOU!!"

He let me go and turned away from me. He took a few steps away, breathing heavily. I felt a few tears crawling down my cheeks. There was no way I could stop them now. Reita really did love me. He really did. But he'd gone about everything the wrong way, hadn't he? I'd been depressed and vulnerable and he'd stepped in and bent me to his will. But I had fallen in love with him. I cared about him in so many ways. If I really didn't care, wouldn't I have just left the dorm instead of staying and yelling at him? Maybe I didn't want to believe the truth. I blinked furiously, letting more of my tears spill over. He turned back around, his face softening when he saw mine.

He walked back over to me. He thumbed away my tears without me fighting to keep him away. The tears glistened in his eyes too but he hadn't let a single one fall. His cheeks were tear-stainless. He smiled a small smile and then wrapped his arms around me. I didn't push him away. In fact, I hugged him back. My tears soaked into the right shoulder of his pale blue dress shirt. I shook in his hold. My fingers dug into his back, unwilling to let go.

I knew what he'd done was wrong. I knew I shouldn't be letting him hug me. I knew the feelings I felt for him hadn't been of my choice. They'd happened and now I was stuck with them, but I couldn't fight how I felt. No matter how hard I tried. I loved him. That was as true as the sky is blue. I couldn't fight it, and I didn't want to leave him. I was still angry, hurt and confused but don't people who love each other have to work through things like this?

"I'm…sorry." Reita's voice was just above a whisper in my ear. "I didn't…mean to hurt you." He was fighting not to let his tears come out. He was a lot stronger than me in that sense.

"I know," I whispered back, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

His grip around me tightened. "I love you Uruha…"

"I know." I kissed the side of his head softly. "I love you too."

We spent the rest of the day together. Obviously we'd ditched school. Reita had taken me everywhere: the movies, for a walk through the most beautiful park, to a crepe café… everywhere. It'd been one of the best days we'd ever had together. Through it all, he'd held my hand and we'd been very close. We'd laughed about stupid things, commented on the people that passed by us in the park, and gotten whipped cream on our noses eating some of the biggest crepes I'd ever seen. He'd been smiling the whole time, and I knew I wouldn't be able to leave him. Despite everything, I loved him. He'd been in love with me for years and that wasn't going to change.

As we were standing outside our dorm door that night, with Reita pulling out his keys, an all too familiar voice called out my name. Both Reita and I looked to our left to see the gorgeous raven-haired Aoi walking down the hall towards us. As he neared, Reita turned his attention back to the door.

"Hey where have you been all day?" Aoi smiled, his eyes dancing with curiosity.

"I was out." I answered simply. I heard Reita fiddling with his keys, trying to find the right one.

"Ah, so I guess you forgot about that tea you promised me then?"

Reita inserted a key into the lock and froze. I didn't even realize the jingling of his keys had stopped as I continued my conversation with Aoi.

"Oh!" I laughed. "I'm sorry! I completely forgot!"

"I thought so." His striking eyes looked right into mine. My heart pounded like a fierce drum. "If you're not doing anything now, would you like to join me?"

At his question I paused. Reita unlocked the door and walked inside just as I turned to ask him if it'd be okay. The door shut on me before I could even speak. I stared at the wooden door for a few minutes. Trying to decide what to do. I glanced back at Aoi. It was his fault that Reita and I had fought this morning. He was the one who had almost ruined everything. But then again, if Reita and I hadn't fought we wouldn't have been brought this much closer together.

"I'll be right back." I told Aoi who nodded, a grin on his face.

I pushed on the unlocked dorm room and let it shut behind me. I didn't bother taking my shoes off as I entered our bedroom. Reita was sitting on the bed, a deep and thoughtful expression on his face. Either that… or he looked very lost. I dropped to my knees in front of him and his eyes found mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked, staring up at him.

"Yeah." He nodded. "I didn't want to take you away from going out."

He was perfect. "You don't mind?"

"No."

"Thank-you." I stretched up and kissed him, before standing up and walking back out the dorm door.

As the door shut behind me, I suddenly felt really guilty. After all Reita had done for me today I was just going to leave him and head out? That didn't really seem fair. After all, I'd had some idea of what I'd wanted to do for him tonight when we'd returned to our dorm. My guilt must have shown on my face too.

"Everything okay?" Aoi cocked his head to the side.

But when I met his striking eyes and stunning smile, my guilt washed away. "Yeah." I answered, nodding. I felt a small smile creep onto my own face as we headed for the front entrance.

He'd taken me back to the same café we'd been to the day before. Both of us were laughing and found it really hard to drink our tea. By the time we actually started drinking it, the tea was practically cold.

"Well, this is no good. Waiter!" Aoi called to the older man working behind the counter as he raised his Styrofoam cup into the air.

I started laughing all over again. "You do know this isn't a restaurant, right?"

He smirked and looked back at me. "You think so?"

When I nodded he stood up, walked over to the counter turned around and walked back to me. He held his head high and I knew by the way he was walking; he was trying to impersonate a waiter. He bowed his head deeply when he reached our table and then leaned over and looked into my cup.

"This seems a little cold, shall I get you another?" He winked at me and took the cup away.

I watched him walk back to the counter and chat with the cashier. In a few minutes he came back with two new cups of steaming tea. He sat back down across from me, grinning proudly. I was smiling widely too. Not only had his acting skills been hilarious to watch, but I'd paid a lot of attention to his muscular body when he'd been standing at the counter. He was in great shape.

"That was great."

He nodded. "I know. I'm a fantastic actor, aren't I?" He spread his arms and pretended to bow. Just for effect I clapped a little and we both laughed. He then took a sip of his tea. "Damn!!" he exclaimed after putting the cup back down. "I think I burnt the side of my mouth!!"

I laughed for what seemed like the millionth time that night and just held my cup of tea. I hadn't even really been interested in the tea so much as the person sitting across from me. He pushed his cup of tea off to the side and leaned forwards a little.

"So when are you going to tell me about yourself?" Once again, his eyes were sparkling.

I pretended to sigh. "Fine. But you've got to ask the questions."

His grin widened. "And you have to answer honestly."

"I will."

"Alright," He paused looking deeply into my eyes, "How do you feel about me?"

Not the question I'd been expecting.

All I did was stare at him. I was completely frozen. What was I supposed to say? How could I answer without seeming like I was seriously interested? No doubt I found him incredibly attractive and he was a great person to hang around with, but I was in love with Reita. Just because I felt attracted to someone else didn't mean I was going to go any further with it. When I didn't respond he spoke up.

"Let me try something else then…"

I'd thought he was going to ask another question. Or at least I'd imagined he was going to try and re-phrase what he'd said. Instead, he leaned farther across the table and pressed his perfect lips gently against mine. My thoughts told me to push him away. The only one that should be kissing me is Reita. Just as I was trying to decide what to do, he pulled away a few centimeters and met my eyes again.

"How do you feel about that Uruha?" His voice was very soft, passionate almost, and gentle.

I was even more at a loss for words now. What was I supposed to say now?! He'd just kissed me!! My brain was going a million miles a minute; my heart was doing much the same. My vision was momentarily blinded by tears. I was going to cry? Why? I knew why though. I was torn. I loved Reita but I was starting to develop serious feelings for Aoi too… wasn't I? I opened my mouth to speak but he put a finger to my lips.

"Shhh," his gentle tone had not changed, "Your eyes say it all."

He took my hand and led me out of the café. I'm not even really sure what happened after that, but somehow we ended up at the same park Reita and I had walked through earlier. As we walked along the path through a bunch of trees I noticed he was holding my hand. His grip was not tight. It was very relaxed and it sent wonderful shivers through my body. When we reached an opening of grass, where the moon shone down right on us, he turned to me.

I met his gaze, feeling my heart swelling up inside me. We were both silent. Minutes passed with a heavy silence between the two of us. Was he waiting for me to say something? But I could hardly even think straight. I would've sounded like a terrible mess if I'd opened my mouth. In the end, he reacted first.

He let go of my hand. His hands wrapped around my neck slowly and he closed the gap between our lips once again. My heart beat against my ribs like a drummer gone mad. I did not pull away. I did not make any movements to suggest I disapproved or did not want to go through with this. I did not even move. I stood frozen in place as an angel kissed me. A few seconds later, his lips pulled away from mine and he wrapped his arms around me. My body reacted instantly to his hold and I found my arms wrapping around him.

He whispered into my ear, his lip ring brushing my earlobe, passion thick in his voice. "Do you believe in love at first sight Uruha?"

He didn't wait for me to respond. Within seconds we were laying in the grass beneath the moonlight, our faces inches apart. His fingers intertwined through my hair; my hands wound around him. The further we continued, the less and less fearful I was. This was it. I couldn't stop myself now. I was in love with this gorgeous man. He had not known of anything. He had not come at me or destroyed something dear. I was truly in love. My feelings for Reita were nothing compared to this. As we slipped off our clothes, my thoughts of Reita vanished completely.

Unlike with Reita, Aoi was very gentle with me. The pain I felt was enjoyable. Each kiss from him felt like a cool drink of water on the hottest day of summer. Our voices were one. Our whispers to each other were full of adoration. The moon shone brightly in the starless sky above, illuminating the beauty of our love.

"Aoi…" I whispered as he kissed all across my neck, his left hand on the back of my head. "…you do know we're in a park right? What if someone sees us?"

He kissed my lips again and pressed his forehead gently against mine. His eyes sparkled with the love I'd failed to acknowledge before as a small smile appeared on his face. "That's what makes it so exciting…"

I sucked on his neck for a few moments after smiling back at him, bringing a soft moan out of my raven-haired lover. He thrust into me, our hearts becoming so closely knit, and kissed me again before telling me, "I love you Uruha."

"I love you Aoi." I kissed him back fervently.

He collapsed beside me; his hot breath washing over me one final time. My fingers crawled across his chest little by little, feeling his strong muscles as he draped an arm over me. I stared up into his beautiful eyes, unable to break eye-contact. How could I have thought love at first sight was a joke? This angel had fallen in love with me so instantly and I knew the same depth of feelings lived in my heart. How could I not love someone so beautiful inside and out? I could not deny anything. I was irrevocably in love with him.

The moonlight shone marvelously through his hair. I flicked some of his bangs playfully and he laughed. His laugh was perfect. I couldn't think of anything else I'd rather listen to. Other than, of course, his voice. He kissed my forehead one final time, before helping me stand. We got dressed and hand in hand, headed back down the way we'd come. Our joyous voices and jubilant laughter followed us the whole way.


	7. Mistake

**Author's Note:**

**So a few days before the official fourth-month wait for this update. Success~**

**I'd been having some serious writer's block, but recently I've been inpsired. I hope you all enjoy this chapter even though I'm pretty sure you'll hate me by the end of it. Ahaha. **

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I never would've thought I'd lose all I loved in such a short time.

The walk back to the dorm was perfect. In every which way Aoi was my soul mate. No one could even hope to compare. Not only was the chemistry in our relationship at its best, the spiritual connection between us was unbelievable. I had not ever experienced something like it before. He knew me inside and out. In the time we'd spent together, it was plainly obvious to anyone how close we were.

My fingers, intertwined with his, were warmed by his gentle touch. Rain fell nicely, splashing across our faces. It was a fairytale scene. He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. My cheeks got hot and I turned away. A laugh came from him; soft and charming. Like rabbit's feet my heart sped up all over again. My hand tightened around his. He and I had been destined for this love. For all of this. This was my true love. And in that very moment, beneath the rain and moonlit sky, I knew this was indeed what someone had done for me. I gazed up into the murky grey rainclouds and sent up a smile to my protective guardian.

As we neared the school, I felt my insides start to contract. Though my joy was unstoppable, I couldn't help but feel nervous. Reita, all but forgotten till that point, was still waiting for me to return. What was I supposed to say? I did not love him anymore. What would happen if I were to look into his eyes again? Would I be just as confused? Would I be able to turn away and tell him it really was over? I didn't have a choice. Aoi was my everything. Reita couldn't hope to compare.

I hadn't been paying attention to my surroundings and when I finally snapped out of my thoughts, I realized I was not in a dorm room I recognized. I blinked a few times, as if waking from a pleasant dream, and found Aoi standing in front of a hall mirror. He slipped his black shirt off and tossed it casually on the arm of the nearby sofa. His muscular chest glistened from the rain. He shook his head, droplets flying from his silky hair. I contently placed myself on the sofa and watched him. He looked my way with his striking eyes and grinned. Taking my hands, he lead my away to his room where we slept together in a warm embrace.

I was awoken the next morning by faint sunlight spilling through his closed curtains. I stretched my arm to the bedside table and picked up my cellphone. It was already ten in the morning. I'd missed yet another few hours of school. My instructors were going to kill me. I groaned just as footsteps were heard entering the room.

"Good morning Uruha." The bed creaked slightly when my raven-haired angel sat down beside me.

Too tired to properly respond I waved my hand lazily. "Nghhh..."

He laughed, his fingers travelling through my honey-blonde hair. "Someone's tired."

I rolled over onto my side, meeting his dazzling eyes. "We had a late night, okay?"

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Yet I was up hours before you."

"Eh? When did you get up?"

"Seven."

"Oh I'm sorry. You must've been pretty bored."

"Ah, no; not really. I just watched you sleep."

My cheeks flushed. "You're not stalker-like _at all_."

"Call me what you want, but I'm still yours." He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Mmmm." I yawned and took his hand sleepily.

For a few moments we did nothing but stare at each other. It was as if we somehow knew that it would all be over soon. Like we knew that all our joy would be cut short. During those moments, I memorized everything about him. His gorgeous eyes, his hair that flawlessly framed it, his all-too-perfect lips and god-like neckline that accompanied his muscular body. He smiled. My mind took a snapshot of it. My memories of him are never far from my mind, and in that split second I felt something change. At the time I did not know it was for the worse and made nothing of it. Maybe if I had paid more attention, things wouldn't have gone so horribly wrong.

"I should get dressed." I stated, getting into a sitting position.

He hugged me. "There's coffee for you in the other room."

He exited, leaving me to get ready. I perfected my look before joining him in the other room. For another hour we talked about life. I finally opened up and told him my life story in a fast whirlwind of words. He took everything in as if filing what I'd said. I almost felt like there was no need to do such a thing, what with our bond, but he had asked to hear it all from me. Afterwards he told me that not only had my words informed him, but he was very thankful to just have had another chance to hear me speak. Our lips met in a passionate kiss before we left the dorm, hand in hand.

The two of us flowed along with the other students, in amongst the crowd. We chatted about little things. He made me laugh with his adorable humor. As we were passing by the courtyard, someone I hadn't thought of came into view. My attention froze at the end of the hall and connected with the puzzled eyes of Miyavi. I slowed my pace, though Aoi took no notice of it, and continued to stare at him. He blinked. I knew him seeing Aoi and I as we were must've surprised him. It would've been stupid to think Reita hadn't told him about us. Now to see me with someone else...

I didn't like the situation. His connection with me broke as he looked to his right. Coming across the courtyard was none other than Reita. Miyavi glanced back my way. At first I thought he was going to freak out, but his expression was more one of worry than anything. His eyes told me to leave, to run... to hide. The fear in his eyes caused me to hold Aoi's hand tighter. He looked at me, realizing I hadn't heard a word he'd said.

"Something wrong Uruha?"

Reita stopped at Miyavi's side. His friend placed a hand on his shoulder and turned him away from us. The two headed in the other direction. Miyavi glanced back over his shoulder at me warningly. He gave his attention back to Reita and smiled. Before long, the two had vanished from my sight.

"No. I'm fine."

Aoi dropped me off at my class and then headed to his. I sat at the front, opening my notebook, trying to make sense of what had just happened. For starters, what was Miyavi doing at the school? He'd been kicked off campus. I hadn't seen him since he, Reita and I had gone to the movie. Was it possible Reita had just called him? Or maybe Reita had been looking for me and had asked Miyavi for help... but if that was the case why had he prevented Reita from seeing me? Did he not want Reita to get hurt? They were best friends after all. I decided to stick to that theory because it made the most sense.

Halfway during the class, I excused myself. I entered the washroom, turned on the tap and washed my face. I looked into the eyes of my reflection. I knew I couldn't avoid telling Reita it was over. And Miyavi had indeed seen Aoi and I together. Did I have time now? Had Miyavi already told him? Was that why he took him away? To tell him in the nicest way he could? He didn't seem like that type of person, but I hadn't known him for that long.

I returned to class and focused on the task our instructor had given us. I needed a break from my thoughts. The bell rang half an hour later. I exited, and searched the hall for Aoi. I needed the reassurance of my angel. My fear was getting the better of me. He was at my side in seconds. He smiled, asking how my class was and then planted a few gentle kisses on my lips. My worries were erased from my mind as our faces remained inches apart. When I did not reply, he kissed me a few more, quick times. He wrapped his arms around me in a soft embrace. He held me gently. I closed my eyes, breathing in his attractive scent. I reopened them and rested my head on his shoulder. My eyes travelled from the hall floor to the courtyard outside.

Like a gunshot, my eyes were pierced by Reita's, filled with icy shock.

I clasped Aoi's shirt in my hands, feeling my insides trembling. This was not how I wanted it to go. How could I have been so stupid? Obviously he would've seen Aoi and I sooner or later. But it was supposed to be after I told him. It was so wrong...

The blonde stood there, students passing by him, horrorstruck. The emotions I felt were much like those I'd experienced with Aoi, only instead of unexplainable love it was fear. If I hadn't seen Miyavi and received the look he'd given me, I would've only felt really terrible for having not told Reita. But something about the way he stared at me like a child betrayed by their parents rattled every piece of me.

"So how was class?" Aoi was oblivious to what had just happened. I hadn't told him about Reita. I didn't want him getting in the way.

"Fine." I spoke staring back at Reita, unsure of my own facial expression.

He shook his head once as if believing he was hallucinating and then dashed out of sight. I continued to gaze upon the spot where he'd been standing. Was I supposed to go after him? Should I have gone to explain what had happened? I knew it must've been painful to see me with Aoi. But something inside me made me stay with him. Aoi took my hand and walked me to my next class. He smiled, laughed and talked to me as he always did. My fear melted away as I focused on him. He kissed me good-bye before the bell rang and bolted for his own class.

I didn't pay attention to anything my professor said. I was too busy trying to figure out my next move. The look in Reita's eyes had scared me. His look, plus Miyavi's caused me to feel extremely uncomfortable. What was I going to do? I was Aoi's forevermore and Reita had only taken me because I was vulnerable and an easy target. When I thought about it that way, talking to him didn't seem as big of a deal. He'd get over me eventually. Perhaps we'd even be able to see past what'd happened between us and manage to become the good friends we once were without the romantic attachments.

After class, I managed to slip out with the crowd and dodge Aoi. I wanted to see him, just once before I went to talk to Reita, but I had a feeling that if I did I'd end up staying with him. I had to talk to Reita. Despite the fear and anxiety in my chest, I _had_ to. With a deep breath I headed down the hallway our dorm was located. I stood outside the door for a few solid minutes. My heart beat against my chest like an angry child. I had to talk to him. So I knocked on the door.

There were footsteps, and then a lock turning. Reita stood in the doorway. His eyes darkened when he saw me. I assumed his shock had worn off and now he was just angry. With a little talking I was sure to get through to him. He would understand. "Can I talk to you?"

He exhaled deeply. "What's there to talk about?"

"Reita-"

"Whatever." He turned away from the door not bothering to shut it.

I headed in after him. Shutting the door behind me, I turned to him. I gently touched his shoulder. "Reita let me explain."

He whirled around, swatting my hand away roughly. "Don't touch me."

I found it ironic that our roles seemed to have switched. Though he had no business being angry with me. I swallowed my own fury and tried just as nicely, "Reita we really need to talk..."

"Do you love him?"

He got right to the point. When I didn't respond right away, he turned his back to me and pulled a hand through his hair. "What am I going to do with you?" Another sigh came from him.

I took his question like a playful statement. He'd said it many times during our previous school years whenever I did something stupid. I smiled slightly. "Reita..."

Without warning, he spun around and put his hands around my throat. His lips pressed against mine fiercely. I reacted quickly and shoved him away. His eyes narrowed. My heart rate doubled. I was wrong. My interpretation had been far from right. The only reason I could think of for him to kiss me was that he was trying to see if I still had feelings for him. By the fire ablaze in his eyes, I could tell he'd gotten the message loud and clear.

"You're not his." His statement sent shivers down my spine.

"Excuse me?"

"You belong to me." His tone was louder, clearer and frightening.

The same uncomfortable fear I'd felt when Reita had snapped at Miyavi the first time I'd met him returned. This wasn't the Reita I knew. He had gone and now I was face-to-face with an angered monster. Inwardly I began to panic. With no one else back at their dorms, I had no way of getting help if things started to get ugly. By the expression on his face, I could tell I didn't have much time before that happened. I backed away from him until I felt the dining table behind me.

"Reita, I've never been yours. I'm sorry you thought I was but you took advantage of me-"

"Bullshit!" He shouted, taking a few steps forward. "You're still going on about that? After all that we've done together? How could you do this to me? You ungrateful bitch!"

His hand came in contact with my face faster than I could blink. I fell to my knees, clutching the side of my face. I glared up at him defiantly. If a fist fight was where this was going, I'd have to fight my all. Though I wasn't a weak person, Reita was in far better shape than I was. Taking him on would be a challenge.

"Don't look at me like that!"

I received another smack, and my head hit the wooden chair behind me. My vision was momentarily blocked out by stars. By the time they cleared, Reita had me by the collar of my shirt and was staring me in the face. I continued to stare back. I was hit a few more times, until my lip started to bleed. He let me go and I slumped all the way to the floor. My head was pounding as he stood up and paced. I dug my fingernails into the carpet, trying to push myself into a sitting position. My balance was too off to let me sit myself up. I laid there on the floor as he paced, wondering how much more of this I would have to endure. That was when my eyes saw my cellphone. It was lying just out of my reach. If I could get it before he saw me and call Aoi...

I moved for it. He saw me and stomped down on my hand. I bit my bleeding bottom lip to prevent from screaming. He wasn't going to get a cry out of me. He took my cellphone off the floor and chucked it against the wall. With incredible power in his throw, it shattered against the wall. I felt my heart sink. Now I was really in for it.

"You were going to call him, weren't you?" He gripped the back of my head and with my hair, pulled my head off the floor. I looked at him. "I guess you really don't get it Uruha. You're _mine_."

In my mind I had a vision of what was going to happen if I didn't get away from him. I forced the image away. There was no way I was going to give up. My headache ceased slightly and I pushed myself up, elbowing him in the face. He fell onto his side, but was quick to get up. I dashed for the kitchen counter. My hand was centimeters from grabbing a knife when his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back. He swung me around and released me. I crashed on top of the table, rolling right off it and onto the other side.

Ever piece of me ordered my body to get up and run for the door. But I couldn't. The pain I was feeling was too much to move. He walked over and stared down into my weeping eyes. The tears blurred my vision for a moment before they crawled down the side of my face. Things were going to get worse. I could sense the image I'd thought of earlier coming on fast. And I was helpless to stop it. As he walked over and locked the door, I felt my emotions beginning to get the better of me. I was in trouble. And my only chance of surviving lay smashed to pieces.

Reita then positioned himself so his legs were on either side of my hips. He brought his face close to mine, so that his hot breath washed over me. "You still think you're his?"

It was probably a bad move, but I decided to do it anyway. I spat in his face. He wiped my saliva away irritably. "Well, after this I'm pretty sure you'll see who _really_ owns you."

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**Author's Note:**

**ごめんなさいね? ^-^**


	8. Breaking

**Author's Note:**

**Every one of my readers should thank: mittilla for this update. As they are awesome and have really helped with my lack-of inspiration. Without them, I probably would've post-poned this chapter further. **

**I should warn you all that it's pretty wicked... and not in the "holy-Shou-awesome" sense. It was actually quite difficult for me to write but it's finally done so I can keep going with this fanfic. I've also done some more thinking and because I know how this fanfic is going to end already, it may be finished sooner than I'd thought. I'm not completely sure yet though.**

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It all happened so quickly.

Reita had torn my clothes off, practically shredding the fabric. My weak body had received an extra shot of adrenaline and I fought back as best I could but I'd already lost. He was in the perfect position to have his way with me and I was helpless. Even if I screamed, no one would hear me. By the time anyone would, it'd be too late. He seemed absolutely delighted by those facts. His sneer remained permanently etched into his face as I struggled beneath him.

"Give it up Uruha," he breathed mockingly, "I'm going to take you back no matter what the cost, so you'd better save your energy for later."

I felt like vomiting. I knew the bile wouldn't stay down too long and as Reita began to violently suck on my neck, my repulsion only increased. He pinned down my arms, rendering them useless against his strength. His right hand caressed the side of my head. Every little touch made me shudder. His pleasure was amplified by my disgusted reactions. I had no way of pushing him away. I was trapped.

The pain I felt from his beatings and thrustings was indescribable. I'd given up trying not to scream. I called him a whole slur of furious insults. My tears over-flowed in my eyes, spilling out and hitting the rough carpet. I couldn't believe it was really happening. But life is never like it is in the movies. No one comes in to save the helpless when they really need it. I screamed and cursed until all I could do was sob. Every weak cry heightened Reita's enjoyment. I was disturbed by the very thought that we'd ever been close friends and my revulsion was worsened by the fact that I had once thought I'd loved him.

Reita didn't stop raping me until I my body was completely numb. I was bleeding terribly all over and the tears would not stop no matter how hard I tried. The blonde laid down right on top of me, his chest muscles pressing down on my aching back, as he whispered into my ear, "You still think you're his?"

I dug my nails into the carpet, feeling just a little flicker of fury still living within me. "I hate you…"

"That's not what I want to hear Uruha."

"Fuck what you want to hear."

He shook his head, his hair gently tickling my shoulders. "Well then, let's continue shall we?"

And it continued. I'd lost track of time. The agony, both emotionally and physically, was unbearable. My heart was retreating to a shadowed place. A place where it felt it would be safe from all the torture I was experiencing. Even as Reita pushed his member into me over and over again, I knew my heart was already lost. There was nothing left for me to feel. He'd taken everything from me. I had nothing anymore.

"Who is he Uruha?" His enraged voice was like someone beating a drum beside my ear. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

He turned my head and pulled, my throat seared like a wildfire. I looked into his villainous eyes and felt like I was dying. I'd never experienced any life-threatening situations before, but I thought this had to be what it felt like. He tugged at my hair, pulling so hard I was sure my neck would snap at any given moment. I gasped for air, not breaking my gaze with him for fear he really would break my neck. He let go and my head collided with the floor. It was not a pleasant feeling.

After what seemed to be hours, Reita finally climbed off me. He dressed himself and then entered the bedroom. I lay on the floor, completely hollow. My body shook ever-so-slightly as I lay there, blinking away the last of my tears. Suddenly I felt something soft cover me. Reita had draped one of the blankets over me. I dragged it closer, wrapping it around me like a butterfly's chrysalis. He grabbed his keys off the counter and then left me, locking the dorm door behind him.

I stayed on the floor drenched in blood, sweat and tears. I couldn't move. Whether it was the pain or shock, it didn't matter. I was frozen solid, shrouded in material that I'd once found comforting. Just like that, I started crying all over again. My cries were quiet, as if loud sobs would call Reita back. I let myself rest there, allowing everything to wash over me. I was empty. My emotions had been ripped out and stomped on. Trying to get up and leave the dorm would be futile. My clothes had been torn, though I was pretty sure my stuff was still in our bedroom, but what use would it be to get dressed? I couldn't leave. I was so… alone.

My heart, buried deep in my chest, was battered and broken. My body was in much the same shape. I was useless. Nothing would be worth anything anymore. There was no point trying to get help now. The worst of it had already happened. I was lost to the world. I'd recoiled into the depths of my mind, giving up all hope of any salvation. I was a lost cause, soul-bound by a damaged shell.

As I began to wither away, my angel's face flashed before my eyes. My crying worsened. I buried my face in the delicate fabric concealing my naked being. There was no way he would want me now. I was spoiled; nothing of value. How could I ever face him again? I hadn't even really tried to fight back had I? If I really, truly had wouldn't I have emerged unscathed? I mentally tormented my angst-ridden mind, going over every little thing I could've done differently. None of it mattered. I was a mess and there was no hope at all that Aoi would ever love me again.

As the sunlight, being the only source of light in the dorm began to dissipate, I cried myself to the point of exhaustion. Before falling into an agonized sleep, I let my eyes go to the roof. I uttered a desperate whisper, lined with newfound desolation.

"Ruki… what do I do?"

It wasn't until several hours later that I was awoken by voices outside the dorm. I lifted my head and looked to the door, wearily blinking my eyes, trying to get them to adjust faster. I had no idea what time it was but I guessed it must've been either really late at night or early in the morning. The dorm was completely dark and even when my eyes adjusted I could only just see the outlines of certain pieces of furniture. Too tired to keep my head up any longer, I let it rest back down, closing my eyes and listening closely to the voices.

"Where the hell is he Reita?"

My heart skipped a beat. Was that my Aoi? My angel?

"Why would I know?" Reita snapped back. "Get off my back Miyavi!"

My heart sunk. My unfortunate lack of sleep had rendered voice recognization useless. But wasn't it a good thing Aoi hadn't shown up? He wouldn't want me anyway. One look and he'd turn away disgusted. I dabbed away a tear that crawled out at the thought of him leaving me.

"Reita, you asshole!" Miyavi sounded unbelievably pissed off. "How dare you pretend you don't know anything!"

"I don't know what you're talking about! Leave me alone!"

Something was slammed against the door. I flinched.

"You tell me where the fuck he is before I go to the police!" Miyavi's voice was cold and threatening. "Come on!"

"I already told you, I don't-"

"Stop lying to me! You might've been able to cover it up the first time and get away with it but there's no fucking way I'll let you put someone else through it again!"

I felt my heart speed up all over again. What on earth was he talking about? Someone… else? Who? Reita had hurt someone before? He'd even gotten away with it? My mind was starting to really wake up. Maybe there would be a way out of my horror…

"Now tell me, where is he?"

"Go back to your drug-using friends Meevs; at least they understand your twisted imagination."

There was the sound of scuffling and a few quiet grunts. Then a snapping of something like a switchblade.

"Don't get into this with me Reita. I'll kill you." My first impression of Miyavi had been right. He was the gang-type.

"Is that a threat?"

"You bet it is. And don't think that you can use that to put me away. I know what's going on. His boyfriend has been looking all over for him."

I felt my heart contort. No… I didn't want him to look for me. He'd only be appalled by what he'd find.

"He's not his boyfriend!"

"Jealous?" He gave a small laugh. "Wasn't that the same line you used before? You might've been able to lock me up before Reita, but this time… this time's different. You've really screwed yourself this time. Oh and I guess…" There was a pause. "…if you've really got nothing to hide, you wouldn't mind it if I came in?"

"Go to hell."

"So he's in there? You are one nauseating piece of work." The switchblade snapped again, telling me that he must've shut it. "I gave you the chance to change Reita and you didn't. Hell, we even became friends… but I guess rapists really can't."

"Get the fuck out of here."

Footsteps started heading back down the hallway. The steps became fainter and then stopped. "Oh and if I don't see him in any of his classes tomorrow, I'll be sure to inform the police that you may have killed him."

That was the end of it. Keys rustled at the door and then it shut. Reita didn't even come near me. He locked the door and then slammed the bedroom door shut. Whatever was going through his mind was beyond me. But I now knew I was going to be saved. One way or another... The surprising thing was that Miyavi was the one to be doing it. So many questions were going through my mind. Miyavi knew that Reita was a rapist so that meant that he'd had to have raped someone before. Somehow Miyavi had been sent to jail instead of Reita but that didn't necessarily mean it was for the rape. But then I thought of the last thing Miyavi had said. If Reita really thought I was that much of a nuisance…

I banished the thought from my mind, curling the blankets around my shivering naked frame. If I had any chance of escaping Reita, then tomorrow would be ideal. Did I have it in me? That was the thing, I didn't. A part of me wanted to run to Miyavi and explain everything, but the other part was scared. Reita had gotten away with rape once before, so who was to say he couldn't do it again? As I thought about my next move, I was blinded by a bright light. Reita had turned the lights on.

"I bet you heard that Uruha." His voice was as icy as it had been earlier. Again I felt like shriveling up into a little ball and locking out the world. "Looks like you'll be going to class tomorrow."

He was soon kneeling beside me, stroking my cheek in the overly-possessive way he had. I opened my eyes cautiously, looking at him in absolute terror. "That means you're going to have to obey me, got it?"

Obey him…? I didn't like how that sounded.

"So that means…" He started to pull off the blanket and I let him. I knew what was coming. I'd just have to endure it. If it meant I'd have the chance to find Miyavi… "…I'm going to have to break you."

It wasn't any easier the second or even third time. For another few hours I was constantly thrust into and beaten by him. He'd take a break every few minutes and then he'd be right back at it again. My inner strength, already shaken by the first time he'd raped me, was diminishing by the second. It was as if he knew of my insecurities and was praying on them. I'd been damaged pretty badly before and that made me think that Aoi wouldn't love me anymore. But now I _knew_ he wouldn't. He'd probably puke as soon as he saw me.

"You will…not talk to him…" Reita commanded, climbing off me for the fifth time, catching his breath and regaining his stamina. "If he… comes near you… you will walk away… you love me… not him… got it? And… stay away from Miyavi… if you don't… I will know…"

I didn't doubt that. He'd probably ended up stalking me everywhere. I'd never have any chance to be alone. And he'd already destroyed my cellphone. It was over. I was a prisoner.

"Now," he re-positioned himself on top of me again, "I want you to tell me how much you love me."

When I wouldn't speak, he hit me harder and his thrusts became that much worse. I told him what he wanted to hear. Over and over and over again. He wouldn't let me stop. When I started crying he told me there was no reason to be upset… I was only speaking _the truth_. He broke me. Every last piece of me was shattered. I had nothing left. No hope at all. Miyavi wasn't going to help me. Aoi wouldn't love me ever again. I was dead inside. He went to bed when he was positive he'd destroyed every last flicker of defiance. So that was it. I was his and there was no changing that fact.

Classes the next day were not fun either. On top of being exhausted and sore all over, the looks from other students on campus only added to my sorrow. How was I supposed to go on living like this? I was being controlled by a sociopath with no way out. The whole day I felt his eyes on me, even when I couldn't see him. I'd spotted Miyavi a few times and gone another way. Aoi hadn't been around, which made my suffering slightly easier. I knew I'd never be able to face him like this. Black eye, swollen lips, bruised body, scarred hands… I looked like a zombie out of a horror movie. I doubted he'd even recognize me.

During one of my biology classes, my professor approached me asking if I was okay. I forced a convincing smile and said I was fine. Reita had told me that morning that I wasn't allowed to get help. I didn't want to deal with his consequences if I did. My professor merely looked at me skeptically and informed me that if I had to leave class, I didn't need permission. I could just go.

When lunch break came around I could only sigh. Reita had ordered me to find him at one of the tables and then we'd go back to the dorm until the class bell rang. I scooped up my books and followed after my fellow classmates. Keeping my head down I swiftly dodged through the crowd, making sure that Miyavi wasn't anywhere near me. Reita was standing by a table closest to one of the garden trees, looking the other way. If I'd really wanted to run, I could've. But where would I go? I was also in no shape to make any kind of run for it. My legs would've given in seconds later. Reluctantly I bowed my head and proceeded to the table.

He gave me a bone-chilling smile and pulled me into a hug. My body ached even at the slightest touch from him but I did my best to keep from complaining. He handed me some money for the on-campus concession and told me to go and get him a water bottle. I nodded, taking the change and heading straight for it. I kept focused on the water, hoping the line-up was rather small, when someone touched my shoulder. I turned expecting to have Reita's harsh eyes bore down on me, but was instead met with those full of concern and worry.

"Uruha!" The exclamation was of both surprise and shock.

I stared into the soft, gentle eyes gazing into mine, absolutely enthralled. It wasn't possible. I had to be dreaming…

"I've been looking all over for you! Who did this to you?" They took my hands in theirs, not caring about the loose change that fell to the ground. "Oh Uruha…"

Their embrace was just as comforting as their eyes. Their sweet scent filtered through my nose, slowly relaxing my tense muscles. I remained frozen in their arms, mine at my side. Their touch was mind-blowing. Just having them there… with me…

"Aoi…" I whispered into his ear, resting my head on his shoulder. How was I supposed to just ignore him like Reita had demanded? No matter how distressed I was inside, I couldn't just leave him. I loved him.

The raven released me slightly, his hands remaining on my shoulders. His striking-eyes gazed into mine; searching for an answer to the question I had not answered. "Uruha… who did this to you?" He repeated, stroking my cheek soothingly in a way that only he could.

"Aoi…please…" I begged delicately. The words I had to say next were going to tear me apart nevertheless they had to be said. I didn't want him to get hurt but in order to make sure Reita stayed away from him and kept focused on me, I had to pull away. Seeing him one final time, knowing that he loved me despite everything, would make my suffering much easier. "…just leave me alone."

His eyes widened in alarm. "W-what? Uruha…?"

I took his hands from my shoulders and held them for a few seconds, staring at them. They were so perfect and always gentle. I had to protect them; I had to protect him. No matter what I said, if Reita had gotten away with raping someone before, he would undoubtedly find some way out of doing it again. I looked up into his gorgeous brown eyes and felt my eyes glaze over with tears. "I'm sorry Aoi. I just don't love you anymore."

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**Author's Note:**

**To be completely honest, I was crying a lot of the time while writing this. There are a select few parts in this chapter that just tore me apart. **

**I'm hoping everyone enjoyed this chapter, despite how evil and emotional it was, and took pleasure in the twists that I introduced.**

**Thanks again mittilla!**


	9. Truth

**Author's Note:**

**Many thanks again to mittilla for this update. Thanks to their encouraging words and the digital art of Aoi they made me on deviantart, I was able to get the inspiration and drive to finish typing up this chapter. Thank-you so much my friend!**

**I thoroughly enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope all of you, my dear readers, will love it as much as I do.**

* * *

I stared at him in utter despair.

This wasn't happening. I didn't want to believe it. How could it be? It was a mistake. The whole thing was a mistake. But then it happened. The soft brown eyes broke away, their hands slipping from mine. My heart beat faster. The beats became so forcefully painful; I found it hard to breathe. How could this happen? How could I have let this happen?

"Uruha…"

"Aoi, please… don't make this harder than it has to be." He wouldn't even look at me. What had I done?

My breaths became faster as newfound tears stung my eyes. He kneeled down to pick up the fallen change, his hands shaking terribly. I was frozen solid. What could I do? What could I say? His delicate fingers closed around the change as he stood back up. My mind raced, desperately searching for something, anything to make sense of it all.

"You're lying." He turned away from me. "You don't mean that… Uruha you can't…"

He whirled around, his face shrouded in anger. "I told you to leave me alone Aoi! Go away! I don't want you anywhere near me!" He shoved me back. I stumbled slightly. "Go away!"

I couldn't move. I wouldn't. Someone had hurt the love of my life. They'd pushed him too far. His bruises and cuts screamed that his once bright spirit had been ripped out and destroyed in the vilest way. He didn't want me to go. The look in his devastated eyes told me so. Whoever had done this to him was going to pay.

"Uruha-"

"Get out of here!" He cried. The other students in line at the concession stand glanced at us over their shoulders, hearing the rising anger and desperation in his voice.

I took a step back, not daring to pull my eyes from him. The beautiful honey-blonde was my everything. I'd die for him. Nothing would ever stop me from protecting him. Nothing. Whoever had broken my lovely Uruha deserved to rot in hell. I was going to track them down and give them what for. I wouldn't let Uruha suffer.

He sniffled, wiping away his glistening tears. My eyes shifted to a blonde that came up beside him. His eyes were cold and dark. He wrapped an arm around my Uruha and that's when I knew. This was the monster who had tortured him. My hands twitched, curling and uncurling themselves every few seconds. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't lay a hand on him with Uruha in his hold. I couldn't risk hurting my love myself.

"This guy giving you any trouble Uruha?" His voice was incredibly possessive. He looked at me with mocking eyes, showing me that he was indeed the one who had shattered Uruha's heart.

"No!" He exclaimed, trying subtly to pull out of his hold. The blonde didn't take any notice, but I did. The fear in Uruha's eyes told me exactly why he had told me to leave him alone. It really was my fault… he was trying to protect me…

The blonde let out a chilling laugh. "I don't believe we've met." He extended his hand, wearing a sarcastic smile. "It's nice to meet you. My name's Reita."

I narrowed my eyes. A bunch of descriptive insults flooded my mind. I bit my tongue, knowing now was not the time or place to let them out. I was going to get him. He was going to regret the day he ever laid a hand on Uruha. However if I reacted, my chances of rescuing Uruha would lessen. I had to do this in a very careful way. My sharp mind was already going through everything Uruha had told me of his past. Not once had he mentioned Reita. Had this kind of thing happened before? No… I surely would've seen scars and long-lasting bruises when we'd made love. His injuries were very, very recent.

My mind raced. There had to be some way I could get at him. I didn't want him to inflict any more pain on my lover, so I had to tread carefully. Who could I go to for help? The police wouldn't be able to do a damn thing. The blonde obviously terrified Uruha. He wasn't going to speak, especially since he thought Reita would hurt me. So then who? Kai? I could try to find a way of getting a hold of him. He'd known Uruha for years. Maybe if he stepped into the picture… but then that'd be risking his life, wouldn't it?

Reita's hand fell when I did not move to shake it. "Not very social, huh?" I remained silent. "Oh well. I guess we'll see you later then?" He guided Uruha away from me.

My lover wouldn't look my way. I stared after him anxiously. I had to save him. If he had forced himself to believe he loved Reita to protect me, then I had to change that. There was no way that man loved him. Uruha and I were soulmates. He was not going to take that away from either of us.

Once the two of them had disappeared from my sight, I frantically looked around. For what exactly, I didn't know. Did I think that someone or something was just going to materialize with the ability to fix everything? Those kinds of things didn't exist. They had become a rarity even in the movies. I started walking across the courtyard towards the main campus office. What compelled me to go there was consciously unknown. I just had a feeling…

I pushed open the office door and let it shut behind me. My heart hadn't slowed at all, and I'd guessed my adrenaline level was through the roof. A couple of the secretaries were busy conversing in a far-off corner and the other was on the phone. I leaned against the pale white wall and exhaled deeply. Not even a second later, I felt someone's eyes on me. My vision shifted to someone sitting in one of the waiting seats. Immediately I thought of a Yakuza heir. They had a very gang-like look to them, but their eyes displayed true loyalty and compassion. Though their body language told me they were extremely bored of waiting, their eyes were very focused on me. Yet I wasn't unsettled.

"Your name's Aoi, right?"

His long black hair hung down over his black vest and white shirt. His Capri's were met by longish white socks and black sneakers. He wore a hat and to top it all off, tattoos covered almost every inch of his exposed skin. How someone like him knew my name was beyond me. I wasn't one to judge people, so I told myself not to jump to any conclusions. After all, his brown eyes held pain and a gentle sort of comfort. It was his eyes that told me I could trust him.

I nodded. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"I have my ways." He shrugged, sitting up straighter in his chair and crossing his right leg over his left. "What're you doing here?"

I was a little taken aback by his question. "Isn't it better to say your name to someone who doesn't know you first?"

"Miyavi." He didn't break eye-contact and his tone was rather to-the-point. "Now, what're you doing here?"

"Does it matter?"

He shrugged again, standing up and adjusting his hat. "That depends on your answer."

What was he trying to get at? Who was he? I surely didn't know who he was, yet he seemed to know precisely who _I_ was. Had we met before and I just hadn't recognized him? Was he in one of my classes? Was he in one of Uruha's? I couldn't recall him ever mentioning someone named Miyavi. He waved a hand in front of my face, bringing myself out of my thoughts. A small smile spread across his face.

"You're not even listening to me, are you?"

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "It's just… I_ really_ don't recognize you."

He laughed. "Well, I know you. Isn't that all that matters? Plus I think…" He glanced back at the secretaries before returning his gaze to me. "…I can help you."

"What?" I blinked, dazed. Where had this come from? Who was…?

Then it hit me.

Miyavi knew who I was, but I hadn't ever spoken to him in my life. That meant that his only connection to me was Uruha. With that, and what he'd just said, I concluded that he knew what was going on with my lover. My intuition had been right. Coming to the office had been the right decision. I had already gotten a step closer to freeing Uruha from the sick, twisted blonde Reita. I lowered my voice, just in case the secretary at on the phone could hear us.

"You know Uruha?"

He nodded. "Listen, we can't talk here. There are too many people here that pay attention to me. Do you have time to talk?"

I had a class, but that wasn't even on my priorities list. "Of course."

"Then follow me."

I exited the office after him, trailing close behind. He moved quickly, dodging between other students. They gave him disgusted looks as if he was the type of person to beat on kittens for the sheer pleasure of doing so. When they saw me, their expressions changed. Moreover they looked confused. They couldn't have really taken the time to get to know him. His eyes spoke volumes to me. Much like Uruha's had. Eyes were the first thing I noticed about people. They always showed me the truth. They can't lie about who a person really is inside.

The two of us ended up swiftly walking three blocks away from the school and into a shabby apartment building. I made no comment, not really caring what kind of place Miyavi may or may not have lived in. I dashed up the flights of stairs after him, stopping when he opened a hall door. We continued down the hall for a few moments before he knocked on the door rapidly. Three knocks, and then he paused. Again, he paused. It was clear that he knew whomever lived there was home.

"Hey!" He called out. "It's me!"

Inside the apartment there was strange kind of sound. I couldn't place it at all until the door opened. A beautifully innocent-looking girl with long, dark hair held the door open as she looked us over. She was dressed in a sleeveless white dress and pale yellow sandals, which I found rather odd considering the time of year. Her eyes, momentarily drowned in sorrow, lit up when she met Miyavi's warm gaze. She backed away from the entrance, holding the door open for the two of us. She smiled at me welcomingly and shut the door behind us. I followed Miyavi through the perfectly clean apartment, into the living room. He planted himself in an armchair nearest to the kitchen we'd just passed through. I sat down on the brown sofa and watched as the young woman entered.

The sound I had heard before she'd opened the door had been her wheelchair. It creaked slightly across the wooden paneling as she came towards us. Everything about her told me she was a fragile character. The underlying pain beneath her currently sparkling eyes reminded me of Uruha's. The reminder sent another stab through my heart. I hoped that whatever Miyavi had to say to me would help me rescue my soulmate.

Miyavi took the young woman's hand in his gently. Her delicate fingers immediately wound themselves through his. The fondness between the two was not hard to see. Her eyes practically melted into his; her adoration pouring into him. The smile playing on his mouth reciprocated her tender affection. He glanced my way and then back to her before speaking.

"This is Aoi." He explained. Her eyes went to me and she bowed her head respectfully. Her vision snapped back to him as he spoke again. "He's a friend and he needs help."

She nodded. He paused, biting on his bottom lip. I could feel his sudden unease. "Someone very close to him is going through the same thing that happened to you."

Her joyous eyes broke. Horror replaced her happiness and her hand fell from his. She looked to me in utter shock. She shook her head a few times, and then let it hang low. Her long hair hid her face from the both of us as she stared down at her hands resting in her lap. Miyavi's words caused my own mind to race. The same thing? What on Earth was he talking about? Had Reita hurt her as well?

"Melody…" The young woman looked up into his eyes fearfully. "It's going to be okay."

She nodded once, taking his hand once more and gripping it as if her life depended on it. She said nothing as she laid her head on his shoulder. Her eyes became unfocused and hollow as Miyavi turned to me, wrapping a protective arm around her. "Aoi, what I'm about to tell you has to be kept quiet. It's not going to be easy to sit and listen to this, but it's not any easier to explain this either."

I exhaled deeply, meeting his gaze. "Alright."

"Last year," he began giving Melody's hand a comforting squeeze, "Right before the university entrance exams, Melody was severely hurt. By now, I'm sure, you don't need me to tell you who had done it." He cleared his throat. I could see him trying his best to keep back his emotions. "He hurt her and scarred almost every piece of her. As you can imagine, trial didn't go too well. As it played out, I ended up getting framed for what had happened."

My eyes widened. They went to Melody. She let this happen? No… I could tell by the way Uruha had tried so desperately to keep me away from Reita that the blonde had inflicted some serious damage on the young woman sitting across from me. It frightened me terribly to think that he was hurting Uruha this way. All I could do was wait for Miyavi to finish before trying to figure out what I could do to help him.

"Thanks to a great lawyer, I managed to get a seriously reduced sentence because there wasn't an overly large amount of evidence to incriminate me. When I got out, I went looking for Melody. I'd known that he was going to kill her. Or at least use her up until he'd had enough…" He paused, regulating his breathing before continuing. "But I'd been wrong. As if the rape and psychological torture hadn't been enough he, he…" He couldn't bring himself to say the words. Looking at Melody's wheelchair, I filled in the blanks.

"Listen the reason I asked you not to repeat any of this is because-" He quickly blinked away some of his own tears as Melody buried her face in his shirt. "-she can't face him ever again. If, _when_ he gets caught, she wouldn't be able to testify. She wouldn't be able to help put him away. I just wanted to make sure you understood-"

His voice was cracking. Everything the two before me had been through hit me just as forcefully as Uruha's words had. They'd already suffered enough. They couldn't go through anymore. It was obvious Miyavi had been through everything with her. Something like that takes a very strong heart and my respect for him for having stayed by her was immense. He would be the person to help me save Uruha. There was no doubt about it.

"I understand." I replied, smiling encouragingly at the two of them. "I don't wish to cause anyone anymore pain."

The first thing Melody had said to me since I'd arrived was, "Thank-you." Her voice came out just above a whisper. Once she'd spoken, she broke down crying softly in Miyavi's arms.

He was instantly on his feet, carefully lifting her out of her wheelchair. He carried her bridal-style out of the room; her arms were wound around his neck as her face was hidden in his long black hair. He returned five minutes later, wheeling her chair into a corner by the small television before placing her sandals on top of it. He sat back down in the armchair and looked at me. A sigh escaped his lips before he wiped his right hand over his face. His emotional exhaustion was very apparent.

"Now all we have to do is make sure that this stops happening to Uruha." He seemed to say his words more to himself than to me.

I nodded, feeling my insides tightening again. "How did you meet him?"

"Hm?" He looked at me with a puzzled expression. Before I could respond he continued. "Uruha? Well, let's just say Reita and I became friends… not really _friends _but something like that. My main purpose for sticking by him was to make sure he never hurt anyone else. For a while there it seemed he really had changed but… I guess I was wrong."

"It's not your fault this happened Miyavi. If anyone's to blame, it's me. I…" How could I let the words out? No matter how much it pained me to know that I was supposed to protect Uruha, and I'd failed, I couldn't say it.

"I wouldn't start blaming yourself. After all, we're going to free Uruha, aren't we?"

His statement made me feel a bit better. "Yes. We are." I paused, looking down at my hands. It seemed that only moments before Uruha was holding them, trying to tell me it was over. But I wasn't going to let go. It was _not_ over. It was far from over. So long as I loved him, and I knew he loved me, I wouldn't give up. The only thing that scared me was Reita. How long would he keep Uruha alive? It was true that he hadn't killed Melody, but who was to say he wouldn't kill Uruha? I met Miyavi's gaze with determined eyes.

"So what's the plan?"

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**Author's Note: **

**Alright, so that's the end of another update. **

**Now everyone should have the answers to their questions about Miyavi from the last chapter. I'm an evil writer aren't I? Hn, sorry if you hate me... but it makes the fanfiction great, doesn't it? Also, this may be ending in the next few chapters. I'm not entirely sure yet. I've been discussing writing a sequel to this fanfic with mittilla, but I may just end up continuing this. I'm still not sure. I think it may be better off as a sequel though. Just because I know what I have planned... and it's going to be just as emotional. Trust me.**

**Thanks for everything mittilla!**

**Did you all like the change of perspective in this chapter? I know I sure did!**


	10. Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

**Second last chapter!**

**Wow, I can't believe this is really almost over... I've come to truly love this fanfic. It's a good thing there's going to be a sequel then, hn?**

**I think you're all going to hate me for the ending of this fanfic. I'm really sorry, but it had to be done. That way I can torture everyone in the sequel... ahaha, I'm such an evil person. I apologize for taking ****so long to update. I know it's been a little over a month, but I had to get this chapter right!**

**I hope you all have enjoyed reading this fanfic. As I stated earlier, this is the second last chapter. **

**Enjoy~**

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It's been three days since then.

I haven't been able to forgive myself for what I did. The pain in his eyes was enough to push me over the edge. Seeing that unmistakable agony made me want to die. I'd considered killing myself as Reita had taken me away from him, but there was no way I could do that to him. I knew he couldn't live without me as much as I couldn't live without him. If I were to kill myself, he'd follow immediately after.

My face stuck to the cool wall. I dug my nails into the wall to keep from screaming. My mouth was filled with my blood as I'd had to bite down on my tongue to make sure I wouldn't let a sound out. The other night, I had started screaming. He'd silenced me immediately by threatening the one thing that I cherished far above my own life. Though he still didn't know his name, the thought of him going after my angel was terrifying.

"Nice and quiet today, are you?" He breathed into my ear, keeping my arms pinned to the wall. His chest pressed against my back firmly, his hot breath washing over my face.

I had no response for him. I'd learned to just keep quiet and let him do what he wanted. It seemed to save me from any physical beatings. My lower body remained constantly numb, so that I no longer felt the pain when he raped me. Recently he appeared to like the idea of pulling me out of class and locking me in one of the school bathrooms. Being that they were a much more public place than the dorm, I'd prayed that someone would end up walking in on us and stopping him. Obviously that prayer went un-answered.

A few minutes later, he finished up. I feebly slipped my underwear and pants back on and watched sadly as he washed his hands and face. He fixed up his hair, re-adjusted his shirt and then did up his own pants. I stood there once I'd finished dressing, waiting for him to tell me to head back to class. Just like he had the last couple days. He turned to me and smiled. A shiver ran down my spine, knowing that the smile was not one of the Reita I used to know.

"Your bruises are clearing up nicely." He took my hand, unlocking the bathroom door and leading me out into the hall. "It's good that you've learned to obey me."

"I love you Reita." I said, hurrying along the role I had to play. He was raping me, having total control over everything, and he had to push it that much further. I told myself that I'd have to force myself to believe that. If I was going to continue on like this, I'd have to believe I deserved everything.

"Mmm." He kissed my cheek, making me feel sick. "I love you too Uruha."

If I'd had anything left in my stomach, I probably would've gagged. However, since I was literally Reita's living sex toy, I couldn't do anything without his permission. That also included eating. I hadn't eaten since I'd told Aoi to leave me alone. The weaker I was, the easier it was for Reita to control me. It wasn't hard to see what was going on in his screwed up head.

"I'll see you later." He said with affection that I did not feel in my own heart.

I re-entered my classroom and situated myself back at my desk in the farthest corner from the class door. My classmates didn't look my way. My professor didn't bother to ask me if everything was okay. I was a walking shadow. Everyone just saw through me. I'd fallen so far into the dark loneliness of my own mind that no one appeared to know I even existed. That was for the best, wasn't it? I didn't want anyone to see me except… but then they were also the only one I couldn't bear to look at. It hurt too much.

Not even ten minutes after Reita had left, did someone else appear at the door for me. My professor had to call my name three times before I responded as I'd been lost in my miserable thoughts. I couldn't see who it was from my position and as I stood up, I had a sinking feeling in my starved stomach. If Reita had returned again…

Only it wasn't Reita. It was Miyavi.

Before I could even open my mouth to speak, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from the classroom. He glanced over his shoulders, obviously making sure that there was no one in the hall, and then turned his focus to me. "Uruha, you've got to tell someone about him."

I shook my head, staring right back into his dark eyes. "No." The word fell so easily off my tongue. It was because of Aoi. I had to protect him. Reita was dangerous.

"Listen Uruha, I know what's happening. If you're not careful he might kill you-"

"I don't care." I interrupted. "It doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter." He corrected, shaking his head. "Maybe not to you, but there are people that care about you…"

He let his voice trail off. I knew what he was trying to do. He figured by indirectly mentioning Aoi that he'd get to me. I wouldn't let him. I knew what I was doing, despite how much it hurt me and my soul mate. "Reita cares about me too much to kill me." I stated, knowing how true my words were. "He won't kill me."

"So if he paralyzes you, you'd be fine with that?"

"I don't care." I repeated, feeling slightly trapped. Obviously he and Aoi had somehow met each other. Had they discussed me? Had Aoi asked him to try and talk to me because I'd pushed him away? The thought of him in tears blurred my vision.

"Yes you do. Look at you Uruha; you're seconds away from crying. Do you honestly not care what happens to you? Or what's happening to you?" He paused, his eyes absorbing every little detail of my face. "I know why you're trying to convince yourself of that, but there is another way out. You just have to let me in. Let him in… we can help."

I pushed him away gently. "Leave me alone." I couldn't get the image of Aoi begging Miyavi for help out of my head. It was making me feel ill. "Just go away."

I turned away from him and started for my classroom. He called out to me. "You love him Uruha. I know you do. He loves you too… just let him help!" The desperation in his voice shook me. He and I weren't even that close, were we? He'd been Reita's best friend. But then again he had said he'd tried to give Reita another chance. He'd hurt someone before and Reita'd done something to put him in jail.

I shook my head. I had to get back to class before I ended up doing something stupid. I couldn't put Aoi's life in jeopardy. I ignored Miyavi and proceeded back into class, slipping in without anyone's acknowledgement. Sitting in the metal chair, I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. This wasn't how I pictured living my life. But going on like this was something I had to do if it meant the one I loved would stay out of harm's way. Or in my case, Reita's way.

**XxX**

I looked up to see Miyavi enter the apartment with a defeated look on his face.

"Look, Aoi I'm sorry. It didn't work-"

"Then we'll have to try something else." I interrupted without a moment's thought. I wasn't about to get angry with him for having not succeeded. To try and psychologically pull Uruha back to me was my idea and it had failed. It wasn't his fault Uruha hadn't given in to his words. After all, if I was in Uruha's shoes I might've considered doing the same thing.

"What do you suggest?" He asked, taking his hat off and pulling a hand through his long black hair.

I sat in thought for a few moments, going over every little detail I could think of. Uruha had been staying with Reita in his dorm. Without a doubt, Reita held Uruha there ninety-percent of the time. If I had any hope of saving him, I'd have to go there. Reita didn't scare me like he did Uruha. Was it because he had hurt my love? Or was it just the fact that he was in true danger and I was the only one who had a chance of saving him? It had to be a mixture of the two. Miyavi was a great aid, by all means, but Uruha was only letting Reita have his way because of me. I was the one who had to put a stop to it.

"Would you wait outside Reita's dorm for both of them to return after their classes?"

"Of course. You have something in mind?"

I nodded. "I'll go right to him and free him."

"Reita's not going to let him go that easily." Miyavi exhaled heavily, replacing his hat to its resting place on his head. "He's stubborn and wickedly clever."

"I know. I think what I have to do is show Uruha that he doesn't need to be afraid of him. If I go to his dorm, there will definitely be some sort of mental power struggle. If it gets physical…"

"Then I'll be outside," he added sitting down across from me, "I'll be waiting on the other side of the door. If things start to get crazy I'll step in and help."

"Hn." I nodded again, seeing the pieces of our strategy falling into place. "There's just one thing…"

"What?"

"He's not going to just let me into his dorm. If I were to knock and demand to see Uruha, he'd just slam the door in my face or taunt me a little before shutting me out. I need a way inside without his knowledge."

"Ahhh," Miyavi's serious face broke into a devious grin, "Well you've got the right person on your side Aoi. I'll get another key."

"You can do that?"

"Do you even need to ask?"

I could feel a smile playing on my own lips. "Thank-you Miyavi. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you."

He chuckled, standing up and stretching. Heading back towards the apartment door he called over his shoulder, "Let me testify at his trial and we'll call it even!"

**XxX**

The routine continued after my classes. Reita draped an arm over my shoulder and guided me back to our dorm, explaining insignificant details about his day. I didn't care. All I could think about was Aoi. I missed him terribly and even though I knew I was doing the right thing, Miyavi's appearance had unsettled me. What made everything worse was the fact that I hadn't even seen my beloved raven at school since the day I'd forced him away. Was he hiding out at Miyavi's? Was he locked up in his own dorm room? Or had he driven back home because the pain I'd caused him was too much? All I could picture was him going over everything that he could've possibly done wrong. But there was nothing. Was I going to drive him to insanity? To suicide? I didn't want to think about it.

"Your classes were fine?"

I nodded, waiting as he unlocked the dorm door. Following after him, I let my head hang low. I didn't want to be locked up again. How long would he spend raping me tonight? Would I even have time to finish my class work? I hadn't had any time to catch up on projects. And Christmas was just around the corner… That didn't matter either. I'd be forced to stay with him throughout the holidays anyway.

I placed my books and notepads down on the table beside the couch and sat down. Reita was busy in the kitchen making some kind of snack. No doubt it was just for him considering he'd seemed to have forgotten to feed me. Then again, I had to have gotten used to my hunger pains because I no longer felt them. Sooner or later I'd probably pass out from malnutrition. If that happened, would he take me to a hospital? What if he did? Would the doctors realize that I'd been repeatedly raped? Would I be freed from Reita then? It looked as if that was a very plausible getaway, but how long would it take for my body to give in? At least a few more days…

Sure enough, Reita came back into view without any kind of food for me. He'd probably eaten in the kitchen. I would've slapped him if I'd had the energy. He definitely would've retaliated with a lot more ferocity, so maybe just sitting and taking it was for the best. I wouldn't be able to handle another beating. The rape was enough. And thankfully, I'd gotten really good at handling it.

"What's with the face?" He asked, interrupting my dreary thoughts. "Where's that beautiful smile of yours?"

I forced a smile, knowing I'd be in trouble if I didn't, and met his possessive eyes. He took my face in his hands and just stared into my eyes for what felt like forever. If it had been Aoi who had done it, I would've just melted into his arms. Reita did nothing but send chills through me, turning my blood to ice. My insides tightened like they had earlier in the day and I did all I could to keep any sort of stomach bile down. I knew at any second he was going to kiss me. I'd have to reciprocate with as much forced passion as possible.

"You've got the most beautiful eyes Uruha…" I mentally disagreed. Aoi's were far more gorgeous than mine. "…I get butterflies just looking at them."

Butterflies? Now he was really pushing his limits. Was that what he intended to do? Did he want me to try and fight back? Would he get off on over-powering my little shred of defiance again? I didn't want to chance it, so I forced another small smile. He bought it and let his hands fall from my face. Would I ever be free from those malevolent eyes? Would I ever forget how his depraved hands had been all over me? I knew, even if I somehow managed to survive his cruelty, I'd be tortured with the memories for years afterward.

Three hours later, after holding me in his arms and just talking about life in general, he got up off the couch and told me he'd be right back. I leaned against the sofa and stared at the hall entrance. The bathroom door shut loudly behind him. I closed my eyes, wanting to stop the slight throbbing in my head. I was unbelievably tired but I knew half of my exhaustion was due to my famished body. I considered trying to sneak something out of the kitchen but I didn't have the time. I couldn't say for sure when Reita would return and I wasn't about to incur his wrath. Since the bathroom, he hadn't raped me. That wasn't like him, but I was grateful to whatever was keeping him from doing so.

My body received a sudden burst of adrenaline when I heard a small click come from the dorm door. My eyes flew open as I watched the handle turn slowly. What was going on? I glanced back at the dorm hall for Reita but he still hadn't exited the bathroom. I couldn't decide if I should call for him or not. Was it curiosity that held me back? I didn't have much more time to think it over. The door opened and my heart stopped.

I was completely frozen. I had to be imagining things. Was my fatigue causing me to be delusional? Probably. But when those beautiful brown eyes looked into mine, I knew they were far from imaginary. My angel was right in front of me. He shut the door behind himself quietly and then rushed to my side. He took my hands in his, gently pulling me off and away from the couch. All my worries were gone. He wasn't torturing himself somewhere far from me. He was with me. As he always had been.

"Uruha, please come with me." If the quiet pleading in his voice wasn't enough to break through my wall, then his heartbroken eyes is what did it.

I nodded, sinking into his warm embrace. How long had it been since I'd been held by him? How long had it been since I'd breathed in his wonderful scent? It felt like an eternity. There was no way I could bring myself to push him away a second time. He'd been the only one on my mind for days. I was in love with him and pushing him away had been a mistake. Trying to protect him from…

…Reita.

I heard the bathroom door open and a small set of footsteps before silence. Fearfully, I lifted my head from my angel's chest and stared at the blonde. His expression was much the same as it had been the first time he'd ever seen me with him. Only this time he recovered quickly, shaking his head and storming down the hall towards us. I was immediately shielded by my lover, who moved in front of me without any hesitation. Reita stopped in his tracks. The two of them stared back at each other for mere seconds before the shouting started.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"You know who I am! With that, you should also know I'm not going to let you hurt Uruha anymore!"

"HURT HIM?" Reita was furious. He took a few more steps towards him and pointed at himself. "I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN FOR HIM! I LOVE HIM!"

My beloved raven didn't raise his voice to match the blonde's at all. His tone was authoritative, showing his undying strength, but he was incredibly calm. I took his hand behind his back and he gave it an encouraging squeeze.

"You don't love him Reita! You're obsessed with him! There's a difference!" He never broke eye-contact as he spoke to him. "Now you're going to let him go, understand? He's coming with me!"

"LIKE HELL HE IS!" He roared. I trembled, gripping his hand tighter. The absolute rage in Reita's eyes was terrifying. If we didn't get out of the dorm soon, my worst fear was sure to play out. Just as that thought crossed my mind, Reita made a swift movement towards the couch.

He hurriedly reached behind the sofa, pulling something out from the corner and turned back to us. My heart sunk. There he stood, evil pouring from his eyes, aiming a gun right at us. My mind raced as I thought how he could've possibly hidden it from me. I'd never seen him hide anything there. Had he done it while I was in class or was it before we'd even met? I received my answer as his lips stretched into a malevolent smirk.

"You look surprised Uruha," he scoffed as if I were mentally challenged, "I made sure to keep this around as an insurance policy in case things ever started to go bad." His eyes shifted back to, in his eyes, the enemy. "Step away from him."

"I can't do that."

My eyes flew from the barrel of Reita's gun to my lover. His expression backed up his statement. He was fearless; like a lion protecting his mate. But I couldn't just let him die. "Aoi…" He merely gave my hand another gentle squeeze. He was telling me to trust in him, that he knew what he was doing. I fell silent, not daring to say anything else.

"You better." Reita threatened. "Don't think that I won't kill you."

"Put the gun away Reita. Let's talk about-"

"I'M THROUGH TALKING ABOUT IT!"

Aoi tensed a little, but almost immediately eased. I touched his right shoulder, looking around him at Reita. What had happened to my old friend? This wasn't happening… it couldn't be. I felt tears beginning to form in my eyes. I swallowed them, hoping that somehow my lover would be able to get through to him in a way I never could.

"No, you're not. If you were, you would've killed me alrea-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HURT URUHA! GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

"And you don't think killing me is going to hurt him?"

I saw a flicker of uncertainty in Reita's brown eyes. He glanced at me and then back to him. A heavy silence hung in the air. I could feel Aoi's heart beating rapidly, as the pounding sent violent vibrations through his whole body. Could he feel mine? It seemed all three of us were holding our breath, waiting for someone to make some kind of gesture. One moment it looked like the old Reita was beginning to pull through and the next, his ferocity exploded. It all happened so fast. Aoi whirled around, pulling me right to his chest to block me from Reita. My once long-time friend cursed at him and pulled the trigger.

Right before my very eyes, in a mess of blood and raven hair, his body fell to the floor.


	11. Farewell

**Author's Note:**

**Wow... it's finally here. The last chapter of Lost All Sense of Love. Two years it's taken me to write this, and it's finally finished. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it...**

**I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter done, I just wanted it to be perfect. Also, without the constant encouragement of mittilla it probably would've taken a lot longer to complete. Thank-you so much my friend! This chapter is for you!**

**I hope you all enjoy the final chapter!**

**

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**

It never gets any easier to see him like this.

I stand above his grave, staring down at the cold grey tombstone, wondering how someone could just throw themselves in harm's way without even thinking of the consequences. Did he know what was going to happen? How could he ever have thought he'd survive? There are so many questions that I still have for him, but I'll never get the answers. I placed a small bouquet of white roses over his grave, and gently touched the top of it. I'd had him buried in the same graveyard as Ruki. Somehow it just felt right. After all, my young blonde friend would've really liked him. I wiped a tear away as I found myself remembering those last few moments of his life…

_All of us froze. I couldn't breathe. My heart pounded fiercely in my chest as I uncertainly looked up into the eyes of my lover. He… he wasn't hurt. He was perfectly fine. His eyes showed that he too couldn't understand what had happened, yet there was blood on his beautifully pale cheek… and it had to belong to somebody. I gripped his hands so hard my knuckles turned white. Slowly, he looked back over his shoulder. I saw his expression melt from shock into true and utter horror. He turned around, but kept me from seeing the scene. I tried to get around him, as something inside told me that things were still very wrong._

_At first, I didn't succeed. He kept me shielded for a few moments, before I finally slipped under his arm. My entire body went numb at the sight before me. I stared down at the lifeless body and then looked to Reita. My once long-time friend stood trembling. The color had completely drained from his face. He held the gun in his hand with shaking fingers. He looked as if he hadn't even really understood that a gun could kill someone. Yet it had. And one shot, straight through the chest, was all it'd taken._

_All at once, the shock wore off and I started screaming._

_I fell to my knees, my hands covering the lower half of my face. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Immediately, I felt my lover's warm arms wrap around me from behind. He'd dropped to his knees beside me and was trying to pull me away. After all, Reita was still armed. There was no telling what he was going to do next. Yet I couldn't let him take me. It seemed that I believed I could somehow revive him simply by staying at his side. However it was very clear, staring at his un-blinking vacant eyes, that he was dead._

"_You monster!" I yelled, glaring at Reita and pulling furiously against my angel's hold. At that moment I didn't care that he had a weapon. I wanted to hurt him. "How could you do this? He was your friend! He was your friend!"_

"_Uruha, we've got to get out of here." My raven-haired lover spoke with a knowing tone. He sensed what was coming. I'd had no idea. I should've listened to him but I just couldn't. His eyes were locked onto Reita as he held me firmly. He'd even tried to drag me but I refused to be taken away from the person who'd just died to save us both._

"_How could you do this?" I continued to scream. "HE WAS YOUR FRIEND REITA! DESPITE EVERYTHING YOU DID TO HIM, HE WAS YOUR FRIEND!" I heard voices approaching out in the hallway, as he had rushed in right as the gun had gone off. But it wasn't either of us who'd been murdered in cold blood. It was him… and I didn't care if people heard me yell._

"_Uruha, please…" He pleaded in my ear. "…I have to get you out of here."_

"_I'M NOT LEAVING HIM AOI!" I shouted, subconsciously turning in his hold and burying my face in his chest. "No…no…" I shook my head, not wanting to believe what'd just happened._

"_Shhhh…" he whispered back, still keeping his eyes on Reita. "Drop the gun." He commanded. "Do it!"_

_I pulled my soaked face from his shirt and met Reita's petrified eyes. He was breathing heavily and rapidly. He backed up against the wall, gun in hand. His eyes finally moved from the dead body to meet mine. He shook his head, looking absolutely torn. I blinked and more tears stained my face. I felt my heart racing. I too began to breathe more deeply. Aoi's sense that this wasn't over was coming true. I was beginning to feel my heart contort. Any second now…_

"_Reita…" I gasped for air, hardly able to breathe. "…please… listen to him…"_

"_I killed Miyavi…" His first words since he'd fired. "…Uruha…I…"_

"_Reita put the gun down!" Aoi suddenly let go of me. He moved towards him swiftly, but he wasn't fast enough._

"…_I'm sorry."_

_Before Aoi could stop him, before my wild screams reached his ears, he'd put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger._

I took a deep breath and re-opened my eyes. Even now, I can still clearly picture how his blood was splattered all across the room. Aoi had turned to me right after that and he too had been soaked in his blood. As that thought crossed my mind, I felt his fingers intertwine with mine. I looked into his gorgeous steely eyes and then down at Miyavi's grave. Alongside the roses I'd left him was a picture of him and his girlfriend smiling beautifully. Melody had left it for him the day he'd been buried, sobbing. Now the picture was a mess as it'd been sitting there through a few days of rain. Yet the beauty of it still remained. The smiles on both of their faces tore me apart. How could someone so wonderful be taken away in a mere split second?

I could not help but want to cry as I stared down at Miyavi's joyous expression. He'd jumped up to save mine and Aoi's life, without even thinking how it would affect Melody. She was all alone. The one she loved was gone forever. I knew how it felt to feel like the one you loved wasn't there. But death was finality. He would never have the chance to walk in and make all her worries disappear ever again. Thinking about all the sacrifices he'd made only made my misery worse.

Aoi gave my hand a gentle squeeze as my gaze shifted to the gravestone beside Miyavi's. There, etched into the stone beautifully was Reita's name. In those last moments, after he'd realized that he had killed Miyavi, someone who had gone through a lot with the hope that he had changed and believed in him, I saw the Reita I knew. The fear in his eyes told me everything. His last words, an apology to me, are something I've carried with me since that day. It's only been two weeks since that fateful day where I'd lost two very dear people to me, but somehow it doesn't feel like it. Time has stopped for me and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get past it.

I let go of his hand and kneeled down in front of Reita's resting place. I placed a picture of him and I from days that are too far back for my liking against the headstone. The two of us, much like in the photo of Miyavi and Melody, were full of happiness. Such joy seemed too far out of my reach. I felt Aoi place a hand on my shoulder soothingly. I stared down at the picture of Reita and I. When had it all gone wrong? I felt sick with myself. Ruki had killed himself because of me. Now I'd lost Miyavi and Reita because of the very same thing. Would it have been better if Reita had just killed me? No, he'd had his sights set on Aoi. Would he still have been the sadistically evil person if he had shot my lover? Would he not have been fazed if Aoi had been the one to die?

Deep down, I could feel the pieces of my broken heart tearing away at the rest of me. Everything had gone wrong. The end was only beginning. I wanted to sink into the grave beneath me. I belonged with Reita…Miyavi… and Ruki. I pictured the younger blonde as I closed my eyes. Opening them I looked over to the spot where he'd been laid to rest. Only a few meters away from Reita and Miyavi's graves, beneath a cherry blossom tree that would bloom wonderfully in the spring, was where he lay. I blinked away tears, wondering what my life would've been like if he had been accepted into the same university as me.

Would I still have fallen for Reita? What about Aoi? With Ruki around, would I have even given either of them a second glance? I swallowed, standing and taking a hold of Aoi's hand once more. He met my teary eyes, his glistening in the early morning sunlight. A small, tender smile appeared on his lips. He pulled me close and I started to cry. His embrace… he himself was the only thing keeping me from doing the same thing Reita had. Death is easy; life is painless. But I knew if I was dead Aoi would have no meaning left in his life. I refused to end my life because I just couldn't end his.

I broke out of his hold, seeing a couple twinkling diamonds on his cheek. I lovingly wiped them away and snaked my arm under his. Together we took our time to leave the graveyard. A soft breeze brushed past, blowing his raven hair back. I smiled at the sight, for it made him look even more angelic, if at all possible. He mirrored my grin, but kept silent. The area surrounding us seemed to be sleeping, as if death and sorrow meant nothing to those who were left to mourn. Just as the two of us reached the gate, I turned to take one final look. Their graves were from my sight, except Ruki's. The cherry blossom tree, naked of any flowers, stood out amongst the many headstones. I remembered with a definite fondness why I'd decided to have him placed there. The tree represented what a lovely person he was and it would serve as a shield to protect the young man that I'd failed to keep safe.

I climbed into Aoi's car and shut the door behind me. Pulling my seatbelt on, I felt hollow. My raven-haired angel turned the keys in the ignition and pulled away from the curb. I stared out the window and watched the cemetery shrink into nothing. Each time I left, it felt like I'd abandoned them all over again. I should've been there for Ruki. I shouldn't have lost contact with Reita. As far as Miyavi went… my heart had no words. Both he and Ruki were innocent victims, fated to die the day they met me.

I pressed my forehead against the cool window. Colors melted together as we drove through Tokyo. I felt Aoi take hold of my hand again, but I could not bring myself to look at him. Someday I would eventually be able to get past everything that'd happened, with his help. Not today. Tomorrow would be a different day. I sighed, watching enviously as a group of high school boys walked along the sidewalk with care-free smiles. I used to be one of them. Again, happy days seemed too far away.

"Uruha…"

Aoi broke the silence we'd held since we'd woken up this morning. I exhaled and made myself look at him. He was, after all, the only reason I hadn't killed myself and joined the others. His other hand was clasping the steering wheel rather tightly and by his expression I could tell something was weighing on his mind. For a few minutes he thought his words over. As he rounded a corner, he glanced at me and then spoke up.

"I think it'd be a good idea to get away from here-"

A tremendous fear gripped me instantaneously. "But Aoi-!"

"-Let me finish." He nodded once, giving me a look that instructed me to calm down. "It'll only be for a little while. I think you need a break from all of this."

"But where? Aoi I can't just…" I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him I couldn't leave them. It'd only bring more tears.

"That's why we're not going far."

His response triggered my curiosity. "What? What do you mean?"

Another smile crossed his face. "I've made a few calls, on both our behalves." He paused, almost playfully. I knew he was trying to cheer me up, and obviously whatever he was going to tell me was good news. At least, I hoped it was.

"…and?" I asked with a certain reluctance in my voice.

"We'll be staying with a friend of yours… and eventually have ourselves enrolled in the same school as them."

Friend of mine? I cocked my head to the side, looking at him. The only ones I was really close to were dead or in the car with me. I blinked, trying not to laugh at my own stupidity. His smile lengthened into an amused grin, clearly enjoying the fact that I'd forgotten something this important.

"Come on Uruha, think."

"I am thinking!" I could feel the heaviness in my heart lightening slightly. The pure excitement and embarrassment of myself was putting me at ease. It was the first time I'd been able to forget, if only for a moment, what he and I had been through. "Aoi, I haven't got a clue! Tell me?"

He bit down on his bottom lip teasingly and shook his head. "I thought you were smarter than this."

My mouth fell open. The tension in the car had been completely lifted. I couldn't figure out what exactly made our situation so humorous, but I was thankful to feel even the slightest flicker of un-forced joy. "I am smart! I've been through a lot okay?"

"That's why I knew seeing this person would do you some good. After all, you haven't told them anything that's gone on. I had to fill them in on _everything_. You're going to have some serious explaining to do when you see them."

"Aoi, will you please just tell me who you're talking about?" I leaned in closer to him, staring right into his eyes.

"Uruha, having you so close is making it hard to concentrate on driving. I don't want to crash." His eyes sparkled like they had the day he'd first met me.

I planted a soft kiss on his cheek before pulling away. "So who is it then?"

"You really have no idea?"

"I'm clueless."

He sighed lightheartedly, pulling into the underground parking lot of our hotel. Since everything that'd happened on campus, I hadn't been able to go back there. Aoi, being the angel that he was, didn't hesitate to pay for a hotel. When I objected, he told me not to worry. Money was far less valuable than me. The gate opened and he drove us in. He pulled into our assigned stall and then turned the car off. I didn't move, and neither did he. Our eyes met, and I could feel my heart doing its usual spasms. Thanks to those gorgeous eyes, I'd found the one person who made my life worth living.

After a soft exhale he said, "It's Kai."

He took hold of my hand after telling me, as I felt my heart drop. How could I have so easily forgotten one of my dearest friends? We'd been through so much before, how could I have just…?

"Uruha," Aoi stroked my right cheek bringing me from my thoughts, "It's okay. He's not mad at you. He understands you've been through a lot. Try not to stress about it."

"Aoi, I forgot about him… You're sure he's not angry?"

"I talked to him last night Uruha. He just wants to see you."

I exhaled, picturing his sorrow-filled face. I hadn't seen him since Ruki's funeral. How was he? Why hadn't I at least tried to call him? After all, he might've been able to help me… and then everything could've been avoided. But then I would've endangered his life too. I had probably thought of that when Reita had been holding me prisoner, and forgotten. I just really wanted Kai to be okay. I wasn't sure how I'd respond if I found out something had happened to him too.

As if reading my mind, Aoi kissed my forehead and said, "He's fine."

Soon enough, the two of us had made it into our hotel room. I slipped into the washroom and washed my face. Dabbing it with a towel, I stared into the exhausted eyes of my reflection. I remained solid for what seemed like forever. I heard Aoi trying to cook in the kitchen. His slight cursing made me smile. He was trying to do a good job for me. Calming myself with a few deep breaths, I exited the bathroom and found him. I snaked my arms around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder. He rested his head atop mine as he stirred the contents.

After dinner, our night continued to be peaceful. He sat on the sofa with me draped across his lap, stroking my face as I began to fall to sleep. His striking eyes were the last thing I saw before slipping into a deep sleep, free of all dark thoughts. It was as if my soul had completely given in and lost itself in him. His words, his comfort, his loyalty and undying love… it was all I ever needed. He was all I'd ever need and with Kai soon to be back in my life again; everything would become much easier to cope with.

I've never been so wrong in my entire life.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Perfect cliffhanger, hn?**

**Don't worry, the sequel will be up soon enough. I've been looking forward to writing it ever since mittilla asked me to write a sequel because they love this fanfic so much!**

**I'd like to say thank-you to everyone that has read this fanfic. It means the world to me to have your support, encouragement and praise. **

**Stay tuned for the sequel! The title is... drum roll please Kai! ...Aftermath! (It's going to be just as good, if not better than this fanfic, I can promise you all that!)**

**Once again, thank-you all for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**One final thing~ As I was writing this, I continued to listen to Silent Eve by Sadie (another of my fave Jrock bands). That song has become this fanfic's theme song, and I will probably forever associate that song with this fic. I promised mittilla I'd post the English lyrics at the end of this fic, so here they are: (I think you'll all agree, the song fits perfectly.)**

**Silent Eve - Sadie**

**I was scared of the loneliness, that I even wouldn't be able to find your whereabouts**

**The ideal, that I can't catch hold of you even if I want to, wavers**

**The color of tears that's everlasting in the continuing rain is projected onto the outside of the window - overlapping reality**

**Is this a separation from necessarity that is no coincidence?**

**My voice doesn't reach you, even if it wants to return it can not**

**Turning my back to the truth and forcing a smile**

**With my words fastening there is no answer or anything else**

**I'm shouting in tears, my unreachable memories are breaking**

**Please notice my self-torture and the promise of my piled up tears**

**"I don't need ambiguous love nor sorrow" nearly drowning in irony I hid my real intention**

**The things I cared about easily slipped through the gap in my fingers and disappeared**

**Night of my deepest desire that I was able to prosper in my loneliness**

**I got lonely by simply losing everything**

**I can turn myself in my weakness, which is that**

**I understand that I can not die**

**Someone just please tell me the reason and meaning of living**

**Only the sound of rain is echoing in this tranquility**

**The second half of our promise, 0 o'clock already passed**

**Night of my deepest desire that was able to prosper in my loneliness**

**With my words fastening there is no answer or anything else**

**I can't turn back, never again- good-bye my beloved**


End file.
